


Twenty Hence (Censored Version)

by Natural_Log



Series: Widofjord From My Head [6]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Found Family, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pining, Sideship: BeauJester, Time jump forward
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-09
Updated: 2020-09-17
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:00:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 28,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25172773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Natural_Log/pseuds/Natural_Log
Summary: The PG version of Twenty Hence, aka, without the smut :)--Twenty years ago the Mighty Nein defeated and banished Uk'otoa at a price. Then they managed to unravel and defeat Tharizdun's cultists. In order to be safe, the M9 had to disperse- retire from the adventuring life lest they catch the attention of lingering enemies.Now Fjord is planning on retiring for real, leave his ship to his first mate, to live in a little cabin on the coast. For twenty years he's carried guilt, the pain of loss, the burden of things unsaid. For twenty years he has focused on his family, on his work. Of course it's now, when he wants to move away and live at peace, that the world pulls him back in.Some magician has set up a lair under Beau's nose, high in the mountains. Aspiring adventurers keep getting killed. Fjord keeps running into a Zemnian human that tempts him. Suddenly everything is reminding Fjord of what he doesn't have, of what he longs for.Something tore the Mighty Nein apart twenty years ago. Something took Caleb away from them. Something weighs Fjord down, down, down.
Relationships: Fjord/Caleb Widogast
Series: Widofjord From My Head [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1198351
Kudos: 6





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is effectively a repost of Twenty Hence, but my brother wanted to read it without having to read smut written by his sister and I figured hey, I bet there's other people that would read it without smut, so here we are!

Twenty years had passed since the Mighty Nein were forced to separate. Fjord leaned into the rigging of the Horizon’s Call, his ship, his home, his place now. Here, on the ocean.

He looked over his shoulder and watched some of the crew move about. They were good people, as far as Fjord could tell. And the ship was small, so there were only a handful of others around him. In his space. 

Perhaps not for much longer, if his plans went accordingly. His first mate, Amarania, was singing as she checked the rigging and overlooked the other crew members, making her way slowly to where Fjord stood.

“Ah, captain,” she touched her forehead for a moment and flicked the loose curls from her face. “The ship is in good shape, we won’t need to be docked for long.”

“Good,” Fjord looked back to the sea, at the shoreline creeping closer as night fell. “Still, we can stay as long as the crew needs to rest.”

A flicker of movement caught their attention. Darting through the breeze came a small white bird, made of paper. Fjord smiled and held a hand out for it to perch on before it unraveled itself into a missive.

“What timing,” Amarania said. She smacked the back of her hand against Fjord’s bicep before making her way back onto the deck. Fjord swiped at her in return but was too slow, eyes still on the envelope in his hand.

_ Hey captain, _

Still, after all these years, Beau referring to him as a captain made Fjord chuckle.

_ We’re gonna be in your neck of the coastline soon. Some political stuff is happening and the Empire is going to be in Nicodranas. We’re hoping to catch you on dry land for a bit, catch up in person for once.  _

A bubble of excitement began to form in Fjord’s chest. He hadn’t seen Beau and Jester in a few years. Beau had scrawled a few dates that happened to be only a few days away. Below that was a coded message, using a system she had taught Fjord.

_ A powerful creature has set up in the mountains.  _ It translated to.  _ I’ll get it looked into. Yasha is available if we need her. Caduceus and Veth are unavailable. Several deaths already recorded, mostly aspirants.  _

This made Fjord bite his lip. They weren’t supposed to group up, certainly not to clear out a monster. He looked back out to sea.

Defeating Uk’otoa had a high price. Following that with the dismantling of Tharizdun’s main cult left the Mighty Nein no choice but to disperse. Too many of them together, at once, was likely to draw the eye of one of their now numerous enemies. 

Retirement had suited Veth well, and Caduceus had found his own peace back at his home. Beau couldn’t sit still of course, and continued to work in the Cobalt Soul. She was, much as she hated it, the most prevalent of the Nein, despite having Jester at her side and commonly Yasha at her back. And Fjord had done the only thing he knew and retreated to the ocean. Without the threat of Uk’otoa he could enjoy the sea once more, working to keep the trade routes safe. 

All of the Nein were aging slowly, the dispersion of magic during their climactic battle infusing them. Even still, Fjord felt the years catching up to him. Beyond the slow spread of white in his hair, the aches after a long day, the not so subtle wrinkle along his hands and face. No, Fjord felt it inside, behind the now long healed scar on his chest. A deep tiredness that he couldn’t escape. 

Wind ruffled his hair and caught the edge of the letter in his hands. Fjord looked up into the stars above. The abnormally warm breeze curled around his face in a gentle hold. 

Melora still watched him. Fjord sighed and folded the paper to store in his pocket. He would still answer his patron’s call, when she asked it of him.

\--

Beau caught him by surprise, of course, wrapping her arms around him from behind with an excited yell. “Tusktooth you asshole get over here!”

Fjord laughed and turned to hug her back, drink forgotten on the bar. “Try not to crush my ribs this time, please!”

Beau backed up and punched his shoulder, just hard enough he remembered her power. Her hair was down, but still shaved at the sides to display her tattoos. And she was built, as lithe and healthy as ever. Fjord tried not to cross his arms to cover the softness of his own stomach.

“Fjord!” Jester immediately pushed into his space and hugged him. Fjord tried to hug back and lift her, but she set her feet and pulled him off his feet instead, swinging him back and forth for a moment in joy. 

“Ah, Jester,” he grunted as she set him down, “always good to see you. Really keeps my ego in check.”

Jester laughed, bright and happy. Her hair was long and down, gently curling into ringlets. She looked as healthy and happy as Beau, both beaming at him, bright eyed and full of energy. Not a wrinkle in sight on either.

“Are you coming to the party?” Jester asked, and Fjord sat back on his stool. 

“Of course, Mara is out getting my suit right now.” Fjord scratched the back of his head sheepishly. “She insists I can’t find something suitable myself.”

“Aww,” Jester pouted for a moment. “I would have gone with her! I love dressing you up! Picking which colors bring out your eyes, match your skin…”

Beau tugged Jester's waist. “Easy, he’s got his own stylist now Jes. I’m sure you and Mara will be able to go shopping tomorrow before the event.”

“Yes!” Jester pumped her fist. “I’m going to get some juice, what do you want Beau?”

“Something strong babe, just like you.”

Fjord rolled his eyes playfully as Jester planted a kiss on Beau’s cheek and walked off. “You sap.”

Beau shrugged and smiled. “Eh, gotta show appreciation for what you have while you have it, right?”

At that Fjord sombered. “Too true.” He sipped his ale and sighed. 

“Well, didn’t take long for me to stick my foot in it, huh?” Beau grimaced. “Sorry.”

“Tell me about the mountains,” Fjord changed the subject quickly. “How far?”

“Not very,” Beau subtly checked the room, but the bar was loud and the bartender across the room. “Northwest of Wuyun, not past Feolinn though. They’re pretty well entrenched. Someone stumbled into the area on accident, right past the illusions hiding it. Enchantments were nasty though.”

“Powerful magic user then?”

“Oh yeah, big time.” Jester was back with their drinks and Beau paused to take a sip. “We might have to pull a wizard from the ranks, pull apart the spells.”

Fjord felt a drop in his stomach, his drink sour in his mouth. Jester leaned into his arm.

“Let’s talk about the party instead,” she suggested, and Fjord was glad his friends were there. Even if Beau couldn’t help but remind him of things he wanted forgotten.

\---

Mara pulled her hands from Fjords hair with a self satisfied smirk. “There. Perfectly tousled.”

“Oh it’s perfect.” Jester gave Mara a high five. “You should style him every day Mara! He looks so handsome!”

Fjord pressed his lips together, tried not to squirm under their gaze. Mara had trussed him up like a roast. A new suit, too tight in the ass, a new shirt, open to just above his scar, a fine coat… and then she had to go and put something in his hair. 

At least she hadn’t shaved the beard. 

“Go get dressed,” Jester pushed Mara towards the door, “I’ll tell Beau we’re ready to go.”

Mara pressed a quick kiss to Fjord’s cheek and walked out. Fjord sighed. If he didn’t love her down to his very core…

“She’s amazing Fjord,” Jester wound her arm into Fjords and leaned her head onto his shoulder. “I’m so happy for you. Your little family.”

“You’re part of that family too, Jes,” Fjord kissed the top of her head. “I couldn’t have done any of this without you and Beau.”

As if summoned Beau walked in with two glasses, grinning. “Here’s to reunions!” 

Fjord gladly threw back his drink and clinked his glass against her. “To many more.”

“You look like you just got fucked,” Beau commented finally, reaching up to get his hair more calm.

“Beau!” Jester smacked at her hand. “Mara did that, she thought it looked nice.”

“Ew.”

“Is there anyone I should be on the lookout for, Beau?” Fjord asked, going to refill their glasses from the bottle on his desk. 

“Nah, don’t worry about it.” Beau touched her own hair, in some intricate bun with ribbons in it. “Just a bunch of fancy court people. I’m using it as an excuse to get through Wuyan to check the mountains from this side. Might be some wannabe’s there though, so don’t get cornered by them.”

“I usually run interference.” Mara had returned, now in an asymmetrical dress that matched Fjord’s coat. “Though most of the time they don’t recognize he’s  _ that _ half orc.”

Jester adjusted the shoulders of Mara’s dress so they were straight. “It’s not  _ that _ odd for a half orc to be a captain, is it?”

“Less strange when he has a half orc first mate.” Mara tried to snag Fjord’s glass but he frowned and held it out of reach. “Tends to throw them off the scent.”

Beau clapped her hands. “Let’s get to the party and get smashed. Shall we?”

Fjord admitted on the way that he had no clue who the lord was that was hosting the party. Beau and Jester shrugged. It seemed unimportant- they were there to drink and have fun, dance, then leave before anyone asked what political interests they had. Fjord found their habit of tagging along to political junctions hilarious, if a little risky.

They could hear music a block away as they approached. Jester skipped ahead, tail swishing back and forth. There were fancy lights out front, flowers bursting from different pots and vases. Beau shared some hand signal and whispered something to the gate watchers and they slipped into the party.

A paper lantern floated above the front courtyard, painted with coastal sceneries. Fjord and Mara circled the room behind Beau, watching her case the building before turning with a thumbs up. Jester was already in the middle of the dance floor, twirling under the shifting lights, and as soon as Beau finished she beelined to the cleric, wrapping an arm around her waist and spinning her.

“Oooh I smell something fried,” Mara squinted towards a table across the room. “Are you hungry?” 

“Sure,” Fjord snagged a drink from a passing attendant. “Maybe not fish, though.”

Mara nodded and stepped away, weaving through the crowd and only drawing a few glances. Fjord scowled as a young man, dressed to the nines, caught sight of her and followed. 

Mara could handle herself, Fjord thought. Beau thought it was safe here, so he was only supposed to relax and-

The music slowed, the previously cool breeze seemed to die into a stifling heat as Fjord spotted him near a door. 

A lean human, dressed in black. Like many at the party he was wearing a stylized and embellished mask, covering his eyes and nose. He was leaning against the doorframe, a drink dangling in his gloved hand. Fjord’s eyes dragged up his long, exposed neck to his bright eyes, clear and blue and staring directly at Fjord.

Fjord swallowed quickly, bringing his drink to his lips and looking for Beau. She and Jester had swayed their way even further into the room. Licking his lips Fjord looked back at the man.

He hadn’t moved. Still stared at Fjord like he could see down into his soul.

“Fuck it,” Fjord finished the drink and set it on a table as he beelined for the man. As he ducked his way closer Fjord took in the Empirian style and cut to his shirt, almost too casual for the event. His hair was wrong though, Fjord thought. Just a dull brown, no hint of red at all.

  
“Hello,” he rumbled, moving almost too close and into the man’s space. He was looking up at Fjord, eye’s wide. “I couldn’t help but notice I had your attention.”

“Ah,” the edge of a blush showed just under the edge of his mask. “My apologies, I didn’t mean-”

Fjord swayed further into the man’s space, leaning his arm against the doorframe above the man’s shoulder.

  
He had a Zemnian accent.

Fjord didn’t stand a chance.

“By all means, I wouldn’t mind holding your attention a little longer.” Fjord tilted his head, lowered his lashes, looked pointedly at the man's lips. “How is your drink?”

The man reflexively took a sip, a long one. “It’s good. Gentle, but with a bite. Very unexpected.” He maintained eye contact as he licked his lips. “It might make me dizzy if I’m not careful.”

“I’d be happy to get you more, if that’s what you would like.” Fjord cocked an eyebrow. 

“I would,” he hesitated, eyes flicking over Fjord’s shoulder, “but I doubt your date would think well of that.”

Fjord huffed a gentle laugh, eyes crinkling. “Worry not, she came with me tonight but won’t disapprove.” He touched the man’s chin and brought his attention back to Fjord. “She’s my daughter.”

Blue eyes widened further, face slightly slackening. “Daughter?”

A trickle of insecurity, the kind Fjord used to feel in spades, made Fjord pull away. “Is that a problem?”

“No, but…” the man swallowed. “Her mother?”

“Never knew her,” Fjord watched the man’s face twist into confusion. “Nor her father. Does that ease your sensibilities?” 

The blush had returned, but only for a moment as the man recovered. “Forgive my curiosity. I didn’t want to cause a conflict, is all.”

“No conflict here, I’m pretty certain what I want.” Fjord wasn’t used to being so forward. It had been years since he had even tried to- had even felt anything close to what he felt for-

“Well I feel the same.” The man raised an eyebrow. “You’ve gone and impressed me, not an easy thing to do.”

The song changed, dishes clinked and someone laughed across the room. Fjord leaned in and brushed his nose across the man’s jaw. “Let’s get out of here, you haven’t seen anything yet.”

The man gripped Fjord’s arm as he sharply inhaled. “I’m looking forward to it.”

Fjord led them out a side door, glancing around the darkened side yard before spotting the shed. It offered more privacy than the rest of the house so Fjord tugged his new friend into the shadows and longer grass. 

The man let himself be pressed into the wall easily enough, looping his arms around Fjord’s neck and dragging him into a kiss. It was delicate, more hesitant than Fjord expected, and he melted into it further, pushing the man into the wall as Fjord crowded into him. He tasted like the wine in his glass, smelled like perfumes and flowers. Fjord wrapped his arms around the man and delved into his mouth with a small moan.

It had been so long. So long since Fjord had last attempted this kind of intimacy. He turned his head the other way, tried a new approach, and the other man met him in kind, licked into his mouth, tugged gently at his hair. It was so good, Fjord felt his chest ache, with his eyes closed he could almost believe it was him.

Almost

\--

Mara wasn’t nearly as pleased as Jester and Beau were when they realized where Fjord had been. 

“Don’t be sour, Mara,” Jester chided, “I saw you with that young Lord in the corner. Made a connection all your own I think.” 

Fjord latched onto that, peppering questions at Mara about the man, then Beau, asking if she knew anything about him.

“Who, Lord Magrona?” Beau led them around the last corner to the docks, hand veering lower on Jester’s waist. “Tobrith, right? I got nothing. He’s newer, but he’s smart. I can double check though.”

“Noooo,” Mara buried her face in her hands. “I finally meet a nice guy and you guys are going to scare him away.”

“He’s a  _ Lord, _ Mara,” Fjord said, “Lords don’t become Lords because they sing songs to woodland critters.”

Mara rolled her eyes and made her way to her room. Jester pat Fjord’s shoulder. “Don’t worry,” she whispered, “I’ll talk to her in a bit, she knows she can come to me about anything to do with se-”

“ _ Thank you _ , Jester,” Fjord pushed the tiefling back onto the deck, “But I think it’s time you two made your way to your mother's place. It’s getting late after all.”

Jester perked at the mention of her mother and nodded. “You’re probably right. But lunch tomorrow? Please?”

“Obviously,” Fjord gave her a quick hug and Jester skipped off. 

“Hey,” Beau nudged Fjord’s elbow with her own, “I haven’t forgotten about your disappearing act.”

Fjord flushed. “Well you should.”

“One time thing?”

“...maybe not.”

Beau smirked. “Yeah, you aren’t a one night stand kind of guy. I’m happy for you though,” the smile fell. “After you told me how you felt about Caleb I was worried you-”

“It’s been a long time,” Fjord interrupted. “Decades. He’s… gone.”

Beau gave him a quick hug before following Jester out.

\--

“Three more dead,” Beau bounced her crossed leg, leaning her head into her hand, elbow braced on the table. It had been several days since the party. “Whoever this person is, they have no qualms killing. I don’t think they even took anything, just dumped the bodies near a bear den.”

“That’s smart,” Jester chewed on her donut, eyebrows raised. “Leaving them to the bears, getting rid of evidence.”

“It’s out far enough that, given a few weeks, you probably couldn’t figure out why they died. We only know because we had scouts out there.”

Fjord poured himself another cup of dark tea from the pot, thinking this over. “But you couldn’t find anything?”

“Nothing but those bodies. They don’t seem to be walking around, dragging bodies through the woods.”

“Magic.” Fjord stirred a bit of honey into his tea and leaned back, sipping.

“Most assuredly.” 

“I just wish we knew what they wanted,” Jester wiped crumbs from her hands. “Like, Yussa hasn’t heard of anything weird. No artifacts going missing. Nothing like that.”

“Well, they set up camp out in the middle of nowhere,” Fjord pulled a roll apart and spread some jam onto it. “Maybe that’s all they wanted.”

Beau snorted. “You ever known a magic user without machinations?”

“Hey,” Jester pouted.

“I meant a serious magic user, a wizard.”

The table turned quiet, morose. 

“Do you think it could be Tharizdun’s people again?” Jester asked softly.

Beau pushed her plate back a bit, scowling. “I doubt it. They would’ve set up camp closer to one of us. Near Caduceus or Veth, someone easy to track. Not the middle of the mountains miles and miles away from where Fjord makes port every once in a while.”

“Little old me, out on the sea,” Fjord muttered. He felt a twinge of guilt, thinking of the small house up the coast, the garden he tended, the writ with Mara’s name on it. He wanted to tell them but a part of him, small and insecure, kept his mouth shut.

“We’ll figure it out Beau,” Jester leaned over and nuzzled the side of Beaus face. “Don’t worry, Yasha is going to be here soon and we can get to the bottom of it.”

“So long as you all stay careful,” Fjord warned, “Don’t let your guard down, Caduceus told me a pocket of cultists passed through his area and he had to take care of it.”

“Honestly at this point I would be rather relieved if it was just some upstart cultists.”

\--

Fjord would never admit it but he may have made more than one excuse to pass through a certain neighborhood, eyes peeled for a lithe human, but he gave up after a few days of seeing just… so many humans. Lithe with medium hair and blue eyes was too few details to nail down his impromptu lover. And once he caught sight of Mara, walked down the street with her new friend, and Fjord had to cut down a side street to avoid being caught or seen.

Every time he returned from his excursion he made for his bunk and tried not to think about the shed, the sight of that man on his knees, the feeling of releasing within him. 

Unfortunately his fortitude had been weakened.

\--

Yasha arrived in Nicodranas and Fjord saw less of Beau and Jester as they made plans and caught up with her. They did bring her by his (still docked) ship, Jester and Beau disguised. They drank too much wine and recalled too many stories too late into the night. Fjord woke the next day surrounded by beautiful women and thought heavily of who he really wanted in his bed. Beau teased him about being a ladies man, Jester slapped his ass, and Yasha laughed that bright, soul lifting laugh of hers. The girls spent most of that day with Mara, Yasha insisting on helping her train, Jester revealing the gifts she had brought, Beau poking into her relationship with Lord Magrona. 

“He honestly sounds boring,” she whispered from the side of her mouth as Mara and Yasha clacked practice swords together. “I wouldn’t be too worried. He does have skeletons in his closet but it’s pretty fucking tame stuff. And it’s mostly old news.”

“I don’t mind boring,” Fjord grumbled. 

Then they were heading out. Beau left him some details, some names, some information if things went south. Jester gave him a ring, explained it was linked to hers, and Beaus, and a bracelet for Yasha. If one of them was dying it would tell him, and he could ask Yussa for help getting to them. 

Fjord slid the ring onto his index finger gravely, gave each of them a firm hug, double checked their packs, stuffed cured meats and sweets where he could.

The ship was quiet again, just Mara and Fjord. They worked on some improvements, replaced some things. But Mara was skipping down the docks to meet her Lord more and more, and Fjord couldn’t help but be happy for her, encourage her.

So it was, all of a sudden, just Fjord. Sitting in a chair, tracing an old letter. Leaning on the railing, watching the city. Eating dinner by himself, in a bar.

He was lingering, but he had to stay for the girls, until they got back. His crew had their own lives and didn’t need the work, not yet. He polished the ship up, restocked the stores, wrote letters to Caduceus and Veth. One night he made his way to the Lavish Chateau and accompanied Marion for an evening.

“I worry for you, Fjord,” she said softly and laid a hand on his arm. 

“Oh, please don’t,” Fjord smiled and waved a hand. “What more could I ask for? My family is healthy, my girl Mara is thriving, I have a home up the coast waiting for me.”

“All things to be thankful for.” Marion frowned. “I still see shadows behind your eyes though. Tell me.”

Oh, Fjord adored Marion. She knew what to look for. And, well, she was good at secrets.

So Fjord admitted his tryst, his one-night stand, and while he had to hide his face, he admitted what Kai looked like. Marion of course knew right away.

“And you feel guilty now?”

“Yes, of course. I said the wrong-”

“No, not for that.” Marion put her chin in her hands. “You feel you have been unfaithful.”

Fjord’s mouth opened and closed.

“My dear Fjord,” Marion came around the sitting table and wrapped her arms around him. “I’m so sorry. I knew the loss hit you hardest, you never spoke about it, but to think all this time…”

Fjord turned his face into her shoulder, hugging her back. “I didn’t realize…”

“Of course not, of course you didn’t. But now you know.” She leaned back and knelt next to him. “Now you know and you can heal, you can go to that house up the coast and live at peace. You deserve it.”

Fjord smiled at her, and the loving look on her face, but inside he twisted. He wondered. Did he? Did he deserve it?

\--

“Nothing!” The chair in Beau’s hands creaked, threatening to snap. “Three weeks in the mountains and nothing!”

Fjord sighed deeply through his nose, hoping the sound would remind Beau to breath. Jester picked through Fjord’s cupboard and Yasha was sorting through their packs, unpacking and cleaning.

“Well, corpses aren’t nothing,” Yasha said, and Beau gestured like that proved her point.

“A half dozen bodies and walking in circles. Basically nothing!”

“Only six dead?” Fjord asked.

Jester brought the biscuits and jam she found to the table and sat down in the chair Beau was mauling. “Six dead that we found. It was pretty hard to figure out how they died, too.”

“Except the one in pieces.”

Jester lifted a finger in agreement and munched on a biscuit. “Ok, yea, that one exploded.”

“I haven’t seen that kind of magic since Caleb,” Beau growled and slammed her fist on Jesters chair. “If only he was here he’d probably know exactly how to find this fuck.”

The room stilled, eyes turning to Fjord, who forced himself to calmly pluck a biscuit from the pile. “Yes, he would be who we need. Yussa didn’t have any clues?”

Jester and Yasha looked at Beau, who was slightly flushed across her cheeks. “No. He said it could be anything. He said it was likely magic but black powder does all kinds of things. He said if there’s a mage in the mountains they haven’t hit his senses, he hasn’t heard anything, it’s probably nothing. But six dead isn’t nothing, Fjord. And the area they have enchanted out there is sizable.”

“So bring someone out to dispel it.”

Yasha shook her head. “Took big, too entrenched.”

Fjord chewed the biscuit in his mouth but it was too dry. He took a swig of Jesters juice. “Which side of the border is it on?”

“Nicodranas.”

“Maybe,” Fjord ducked his head, “maybe let the local government deal with it?”

Beau stared at him for a moment. “What.”

“I’m just saying,” Fjord pulled the biscuit apart. “There’s lots of mages around here, surely they can find one or a few that can pull the defenses apart? And if not, they’ll ask Yussa, and pay him handsomely to wave his hand and tear whatever is hidden out there completely down.”

Beau pursed her lips, glaring at Fjord.

“Well,” Jester traced the wood grain on the table, “we can ask, we can bring it up, but since the mage hasn’t done anything seriously threatening they might not take us seriously.”

“Six dead?” Fjord repeated.

“Fine.” Beau took a chair and sat, tilting it back onto two legs. “I’ll take it to the authorities. But I’ll bet you ten gold they come up with bumpkis and in a month will be just as far as we are now.”

“Maybe,” Fjord slid his foot towards Beau slowly, “But in the meantime you’ll be able to do some research of your own, enjoy some-” he kicked his foot up and pushed Beau’s chair over. She flailed and hopped forward, balancing the chair on one leg for a moment before it clattered back to all fours. “- downtime.”


	2. Chapter 2

“Wait, what do you mean you’re giving me the Call?”

“We can’t stay docked any longer,” Fjord pulled Mara’s sweater more snugly around her shoulders in the breeze. “The crew needs the work. Someone has to take her out for a few rounds.”

Mara frowned up at him. “Are you ok?”

That made Fjord blink, confused. “Yes, I’m fine. Why?”

“It’s just,” Mara pushed her hair out of her face, “You’re giving me the Call, you’ve got some cabin set up, the girls are still here…” 

“Actually that’s why I can finally give it to you,” Fjord gestured to the ship again. “I had to wait for them to come home so I wouldn’t have to worry about being here if something happened. She’s yours now. I’ve been waiting for the right time to do this, now is as good as I could find.”

“But…” Mara trailed off and looked past the docks. “Tobe…”

Fjord frowned. That was something he hadn’t accounted for. “If he asks you to stay, you don’t have to-”

“That’s not it,” Mara shook her head. “He wanted to take me to see the Ruby perform in two days. I haven’t told him she’s like my mom. I don’t, uhm, I don’t know if I can ask him to wait for me.”

The ache in Fjord’s chest pulsed. “Amarania, tell him how you feel. You’ll be back in a week, the weather is mild this late in spring. Tell him how you feel, but do what you love.”

Mara smiled up at him, eyes shining. “Captain you… you’re the best captain I could ask for.” 

Fjord hugged her close, dropped a kiss on her head. If she could live without regrets Fjord figured he had done a decent job.

“And you will be the best captain I know, Captain Mara.”

\--

The girls saw Mara off after a small party, shouting cheers and praises as the Horizon’s Call took the tide out. Jester continued to stand at the end of the docks long after they were out of shouting distance, wringing her hands.

“Ah Fjord,” Beau slung an arm around his shoulders. “I should have known you were planning on retiring. You sneaky fuck, putting a cabin together! Handing over the Call!”

“It will be good for you,” Yasha added, smiling at him. “You can love the sea without working the sea.”

“And now you’ll always know where to find me,” Fjord sighed. “Though don’t abuse that. I may have given Mara the Call but I can still get out of here if you make me.”

“Sure,” Beau turned and started back up the docks as Jester joined them. “Let’s go get drunk at Marion’s place! Now that Fjord is miles from home.”

“The Ruby of the Sea iiiiiis the best lay in the land!”

The Lavish Chateau was bustling, but not packed. Beau waved to the bartender who waved back. Fjord snorted and shook his head- of course Beau was on first name basis with the staff- but his eye caught a figure in a corner booth.

Kai, because Fjord could only assume it was Kai, was in a similar outfit to the one he wore to that party, all those weeks ago. A somewhat fancy, understated shirt, tight black pants. Instead of a mask he had what appeared to be face paint, not so unusual, but it was pitch black across his nose, eyes, eyebrows. Fjord really only recognized him by his eyes, piercing, and locked on Fjord.

Shit.

Fjord followed the girls to a table, drank a round, tried not to look back at the human. At first opportunity he hopped up to get the next round and had the barkeep (Jolin, elf, friendly) send a drink to Kai along with a hastily scrawled note. 

The girls stayed up till the early hours, clearly trying to keep Fjord’s spirits high but misreading his discomfort for morose thoughts. In truth Fjord wasn’t sure if he would rather Kai leave before the girls or if he stayed.

Finally, finally, Fjord assured them he had his own room for the night, he would be just fine alone, he would see them for a meal before he left the next day. They accepted this and made their way out of the bar, toward the grand staircase. 

Fjord waited, tense, until they had been gone for a few minutes before turning to check the corner table.

There was Kai, leaned back in his booth, eyes on Fjord still. 

Fjord swallowed and stood, grabbed his pack, and moved to stand before Kai. 

“I didn’t expect you to stay this long.” Fjord said.

“I assure you, there is nowhere I would rather be.”

His voice made Fjord shudder. Low, husky, the curl of Zemnian in the back of his throat.

“Well,” Fjord rocked back on his feet and tilted his head to the stairs. “I have a room for the night, if you need some place nearby to sleep.”

Kai studied him for a moment, eyes roving down Fjord’s body and back up. “I’ll join you, but not just to sleep.”

Fjord didn’t flush, just licked his lips. “Wait until I’m done with you before you decide.”

\--

Kai kicked the door closed and pulled Fjord closer, nipped his lips and panted into his mouth. “I’ve missed you, Fjord. I’ve missed your touch.”

“Okay,” Fjord dropped his pack in a corner and gathered him up in his arms, kissing him deeply. “Okay, I’ve got you.”

“Yes,” Caleb trembled in the dark and Fjord ran his hands down his sides, soothed him. “Yes, Fjord, please.”

“So eager,” Fjord pecked Caleb’s lips, nuzzled their noses together. “Just breathe my love, I’ve got you.”

Caleb whimpered and wound his arms around Fjord’s neck. His shuddering breath calmed as Fjord hummed and ran his hands over him, over and over, breathing into each other.

“What do you want from me?” Fjord purred. “What can I do for you, what do you need?”

“Anything,” Caleb rolled his forehead against Fjords. “Anything you will give me. Everything.”

Fjord swayed, listed forward and had to catch both of them before they hit the wall. “Alright.” He brought his hands up to cup Caleb's face, giving him a gentle kiss. “I’ll do what I can.”

Fjord pushed into Caleb’s space, kissing him hungrily as he pulled their shirts loose. They pushed back and forth, undoing clothing, groping, biting kisses and skin. Fjord bent to grab a jar from a bag before pushing Caleb towards the bed.

Caleb tipped onto the mattress but sat up on his elbows. “You come prepared now?”

“I happen to be moving,” Fjord replied offhand. “This is the sum total of my things.”

“Oh…” Caleb trailed off and tried to look over the packs in the dark without luck. “Why are you-”

“Doesn’t matter,” Fjord popped the jar open and set it on the side table, “Nicodranas was never home for me, I was just passing through.”

Caleb was quiet. Fjord set a knee on the bed and steered Caleb’s face to his. “I know you can’t see in the dark so let me help you out.” 

“Thank you,” Caleb kissed him, hands reaching up to Fjord’s neck. “So thoughtful, my love. Always so considerate.”

At that Fjord rumbled, deep in his chest, a warm humm. He kissed into Caleb’s mouth, nipped his lips, ran his nose up Caleb’s jaw. 

“You tease me,” Caleb accused and reached a hand back down to Fjord’s waist. “Come to bed. Let me put my mouth on you for a time.”

Fjord eagerly moved where Caleb guided, onto his back. Caleb settled between his legs and hummed. “I’ve been looking forward to this.”

“You don’t have to stroke my ego,” Fjord sighed and pushed his fingers into Caleb’s hair. 

“No,” Caleb ran his hands up Fjord’s thighs, rubbed his hip bones. “I don’t have to.”

Fjord savored the difference that familiarity brought. He knew Caleb could take him, his length and girth, and in fact wanted it. Fjord pressed his head back into the soft pillows and moaned as Caleb sank down on him until Fjord hit the back of his throat and paused, sucking him there for a moment before pushing the last bit of Fjord down his throat.

The tight heat was heaven. Fjord pushed a hand into his own face and let out a whine as Caleb drew back slowly, tongue laving back and forth the underside of his dick and flicking at the head.

“Your mouth is incredible.”

“I have an excellent cock to use it on.”

\---

Sun filtered through the curtains, not drawn tightly closed, and Fjord blinked awake. There was a contentedness in his chest, a deep satisfaction, some part of him settled that had been too long on edge. He sighed deeply and shifted before realizing there was a warm arm across his torso, a leg pushed between his.

For a moment the illusion held. Fjord smiled and pulled Caleb closer, content to wait for the human to rouse. But then he turned and saw the brown hair, loose but straight, splayed across the pillows. Perhaps it was better to fight the illusion, Fjord thought, and frowned. 

Perhaps he should find someone who didn’t look so much like what he lost. 

“Mmm,” Kai drew his leg up Fjords and tilted to meet Fjord’s eyes. “Good morning my love.”

“Good morning,” Fjord kissed him gently before extracting himself. 

“What’s the hurry?” Kai pushed his hair back and sat up, stretching. “I hear the baths are delightful- and private.”

The thought of soaking in a hot bath with Caleb was enticing, but Fjord grimaced as he dressed. “I have to meet my friends,” he dodged. “They’ll be looking for me for breakfast.”

“Oh,” Kai trailed off and seemed to come to his senses. He pulled his hair up and touched his face, the paint smudged but mostly intact. “Of course. Of course.” 

By the time Kai had his pants on Fjord was dressed, his things stowed after their rigorous night activities. “Feel free to stay and rest,” he offered, and waved a hand in Kai’s direction. “Have a bath, if you’d like, on me. As thanks for…”

Kai went to him immediately, hand reaching out for him. “Don’t think this was just for your benefit,” he touched over Fjord’s heart, fingers brushing down the buttons of his casual shirt. “My motives were entirely selfish, I assure you.”

In the light Fjord could take Kai in, the slender torso, the bony shoulders, the scars. Seeing Fjord looking Kai stepped away and pulled his shirt over his head, eyes down. 

“I don’t understand you,” Fjord admitted, and bit his lip. “I’m grateful to have met you, but I don’t…” he ran his hand through his hair. “I don’t think I will see you again.”

Emotions flitted over Kai’s face, but Fjord couldn’t parse them. “I am… I see.” Hesitating, like approaching a wild animal, Kai moved closer and touched Fjord’s cheek. Despite himself, Fjord moved into the touch. “Thank you, for these moments. For this dream.”

Without thinking Fjord leaned in and kissed him, one last time. One last time, he told himself. Kai embraced him, held him close, kissed him sweetly and longingly.

“I will miss you.”

Fjord kicked himself for saying it, for dragging this out. Kai nodded and turned away. “I miss you already.”

Without Kai’s eyes on him Fjord managed to turn, hefting his pack over his shoulder and making his exit.

  
  


\--

Beau joined him for one last errand after breakfast- “Late breakfast,” she had commented with an arched eyebrow, looking Fjord up and down when he finally showed up at Marion’s door.

She hadn’t pushed at the time but now that they were walking down the sunlit roads of the Quay she knocked their elbows together. “Still seeing someone then? The guy from the party?”

Fjord frowned, adjusted his grip on his pack, and looked away. “I said my goodbye’s- it’s not going to be a long distance thing.”

“Bummer,” Beau stretched her arms above her head. “It was nice, knowing someone was taking care of you. Maybe you’ll find someone out on the coast?”

Fjord doubted that. “Maybe.”

The Tidepeak loomed over them and the door opened as they approached. “Mister Fjord,” Wensforth bowed slightly to each of them, “Miss Beuregard, lovely to see you as well.”

“Hey Wenny,” Beau grinned at the goblins scowl, “I need to pick Yussa’s brain about a threat. Sorry to tag on to Fjord’s appointment.”

Wensforth nodded and beckoned them in. “I’ll inform master Yussa, please make yourself comfortable.”

Dropping his bag onto a couch Fjord began digging for the gift he brought- a finely carved crystal dragon, hand curled around a ball of fire. He ran a finger over it’s spines as Beau flopped onto the couch. “Yussa will figure the murders out, don’t worry Beau.”

“Yeah I know he will,” she crossed her arms and looked toward the stairs at the sound of descending steps. “I’m just not as good at gifts as you are.”

Yussa appeared a moment later, draped in a wide silk shirt and fashionable pants. “Fjord,” he extended a hand toward Fjord from across the room, who bowed his head slightly in response, “and Beau as well, how nice to see you.”

“Hopefully things have been well for you, Yussa?” Fjord asked, and moved his bag to the ground so he could sit next to Beau.

“A mild disagreement among some allies about a certain ball, but otherwise much the same. You are on your way out I see?” He looked to Fjord’s things and smiled lightly.

“Yes,” Fjord leaned to hand him the dragon, “I wanted to give you this, as thanks for your help.”

Yussa took the trinket delicately, eyes sweeping over it for a moment as he turned it in the light. “Beautiful work- and enchanted? Fjord, you are too kind.” He set it gently on the table next to the stairs, next to an alien looking plant. Then turned it, just slightly. “The circle was a simple thing to arrange  _ and _ you already paid me, but I appreciate the gesture.”

Beau glanced between them for a moment. “You ordered a teleportation circle? To where?”

“My apologies,” Yussa frowned, “I assumed-”

“It’s fine,” Fjord, shot Beau a look, “I’ll fill you in later Beau. More important things at hand. Since last we talked, Yussa, Beau has encountered an issue that might require your expertise. I was hoping she could bend your ear for a few minutes?”

Yussa took a deep breath, studying Fjord. “Very well. I have only ever known you to devote yourself to a decision with sure intent. Take care, Fjord. Here.” He pulled a quill from within the folds of his shirt and held it out to Fjord. “This will inscribe the circle onto paper, should you need to share it.”

Standing, Fjord accepted the quill and gave Yussa another head bow. “Thank you, Yussa, for all of your help. Hopefully we’ll see eachother soon, feel free to stop by for tea.”

And Fjord grabbed his gear before Beau could object, dropping a kiss on her head. “Be good, see you in a few weeks.”

“I’ll be using your stupid circle!” she called to his retreating back, and he waved a hand without looking.

\--

The roads were clear and the weather fair. For almost a week Fjord walked, alone and with his thoughts. At night he slept under the stars, tracing constellations and listening to a crackling fire. 

It made him think of times long past. Days when the dark held dangers he wasn’t sure he could handle. Days when the Nein would sleep in a circle around the fire, taking turns on watch. Eating shitty trail rations or whatever they could hunt. 

Fjord hummed, whittling a bit of driftwood as he watched the embers disappear into the sky. He could almost see where he would be sitting while the others slept, keeping an eye out, making sure they were safe. Where Yasha would sleep, propped up with her weapon next to her hand. Where Caduceus would be curled up, tail twitching in his sleep, incense trailing into soft whisps. And there, where Jester would be snuggled into Beau, who usually slept like she could hop up in a split second. Veth tended to sleep with her back to Jester but near the fire so she could see whatever she was collecting in the light as she dropped off. 

And there, where Caleb would sleep. He rarely took watch at the same time as Caleb, at first because Veth always jumped to take time with Caleb. And later, Fjord realized, because he liked to watch over him. Caleb once said he trusted Fjord on watch- trusted that he wasn’t distracted, could see enemies coming, due to his night vision and time as a sailor. So Fjord liked to make sure he took watch when Caleb would be sleeping so Caleb could rest easy. And maybe because Fjord liked feeling needed, liked the feeling of watching over Caleb when he was vulnerable.

Fjord scowled at himself and focused on getting the perfect detail on his carving. It did no good, thinking of that, of those times, of how he felt. Caleb was gone. Fjord was here, alone. 

\--

He crested the final dune and looked out over the last bit of land before the beach took hold. This little patch of earth was his now, he thought, and smiled. His land, his home, his place. The small village nearby was quiet, a bend in the road that travellers would stop at on their route between Nicodranas and Port Zoon. Enough of a town to support him, but not enough that he didn’t feel out in the wilds a bit. 

This little cove could barely see the docks of the village from around a bend in the shallows. A few trees along the top of the nearby hills kept it secluded and safe from all but the strongest wind. Fjord eyed a small sapling closer to the house, gauging it’s progress as he followed the gentle pathway to the front door. 

His home was modest, just a few rooms and a tiny attic, but the garden was already flourishing. The front door was sturdy, heavy as he unlocked it and pushed his way inside. His furniture had softened curves, plants in tidy pots scattered throughout. The kitchen had a larger round window in it, looking out to sea. There was a small dining area, and a small living room with a bookshelf and low table. Fjord dropped his bag on the couch and moved into the bedroom.

The window in here looked up the coast, toward the dock. Vines grew across the top of the window casting green hued light. The bed seemed large as Fjord sat and laid back on the soft linens. 

Silence but for the waves crashing. Fjord took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Wind rustled the beach grass and a bird cawed.

He could feel the magic in this place. He built it into the walls, the floor, across the windows. Enchantments for protection, for strength, for resting. The candles wouldn’t burn out at night, the water would come clean and clear from a magical well. And the dirt itself would grow nearly anything, according to Caduceus. So long as he tended it. Fjord smiled and remembered the little seedling of tea that he planted carefully, underneath the kitchen window. 

That made Fjord sit back up. He should change and bathe and fetch supplies from the village, before dark. Caduceus would be arriving soon.

\--

  
  


“Oh that’s just lovely,” Caduceus brushed his fingers along the trellis and the plants seemed to lean into the touch. “Will they always be that color?”

“Dunno,” Fjord shrugged and wiped his forehead, “Can’t even tell you what it’s called- Nila sent the seeds with a note but I got them all mixed up. It looked like it wanted to climb so I built it the trellis.”

“Well it’s happy. Like I said, they all seem happy and listened to. Well tended. I’m sure next spring this whole house will look like something out of a dream.”

Fjord smiled at that. “That’s good. Hopefully I can care for your mosses and such as well.”

“Oh they’re easy,” Caduceus straightened. “I bet the tea is ready, it’s hard to over steep but still.”

Inside Fjord plucked a couple of teacups out of a cabinet and Caduceus poured the tea, deep green and aromatic. “This is from the Blossomweil’s,” he said, “a newer plant but it’s grown hardy.”

Fjord watched as Caduceus lifted his cup with both hands and sipped before he tasted it himself. Cad was right- strong, but not bitter. 

“You look better.” 

Slowly Fjord nodded. “I didn’t realize I looked bad.”

“Oh, well,” Caduceus carried his cup into the living room and settled onto the couch. “We’ve been worried for you.”

Grabbing a bowl of almonds Fjord followed. “Oh, not this again. If you’ve been listening to Jester then-”

“Jester is hard to ignore when she talks into your head. She said you had someone, but now you don’t. Beau says the nearby village-”

“Shoalbank.”

“That sounds nice. Shoalbank doesn’t have hardly anyone, let alone someone you could relate to.”

Sipping his tea, Fjord waited. Caduceus was patient, but Fjord was lost.

“It’s just… you come out to a place like this and we wonder, you know, it’s so different from the Horizon’s Call that we wonder what’s going on.”

“What’s going on?” Fjord repeated. Caduceus sucked his teeth and flicked an ear. 

“Well, you’ve always been a certain way. Sometimes when you make a change, people worry it’s because something bad is happening.”

“So, you’re worried?”

Caduceus sighed. “Yeah, yeah I guess I’m worried. Beau’s worried, in her way. Jester’s worried, because she’s happy, so she has to worry. Yasha’s worried. Veth-”

“I’m fine,” Fjord cut him off before he could finish. “Mara is old enough to really take care of the Call, take care of the crew. She has that fire. I… I needed to set her free.”

“Is this freedom for you as well?” Caduceus let his hand twirl the leaf of a potted plant, overgrowing on the side table. “Or is this some kind of beautiful prison?”

His eyes always saw too much, Fjord remembered. “Not a prison. I always wanted to live by the sea, I used to tell Caleb-”

Caduceus eyes twitched and Fjord swallowed the rest of that sentence.

“Fjord…”

“I wish everyone would stop treating me like I’m broken,” he replied, and set his teacup down. 

They listened to the waves for a minute, Fjord trying to gather his thoughts. 

“I think that’s part of the issue,” Caduceus finally said. “Everyone’s so used to you being broken that, uh, something like this,” he gestured vaguely, “gets mistaken for something bad. And not, you know, growth, or healing, or whatever you’re trying to do.”

“I’m not broken,” Fjord grumbled. “We all lost someone- we all lost Caleb. Just because I… Just because he meant something else for me doesn’t mean… I accepted that he’s gone, ok?” He looked at Caduceus’ maddeningly serene face. “He’s gone, I’m here, you have your family and the grove, Beau has Jester and Yasha, Veth has her family. We all moved on with our lives.”

“You didn’t.” Caduceus argued. “You can say you have, but we all saw it, in your eyes. After. You saw something we didn’t that day and it’s been haunting you ever since.”

Fjord grabbed his cup and took it to the sink, rinsing it for several minutes. Caduceus hadn’t asked, he noted. He hadn’t asked, nobody had ever asked. Thank fuck nobody had ever asked.

“We all see that it haunts you, but I don’t know if the others realize what it means.”

The cup clattered in the bin, slipped from Fjord’s hands. Caduceus always saw too much, Fjord realized. 

“That bad?”

Leaving the cup in the sink, Fjord turned and leaned against it. “You haven’t figured it out have you?”

“No,” Caduceus poured himself another cup. “Not entirely.”

“Leave it alone Caduceus.”

That made him stop, cup part of the way to his mouth. “What?”

Fjord stared across the room at him. “I’m never going to tell- I’ll take what happened to my grave. It’s better for everyone. And I’ll do it alone, if I have to. This can be a beautiful prison if it means none of you ever know what happened.”

\--

  
  


The day Caduceus left they spent some time sitting on the bench next to the backdoor, watching the waves and looking out across the sea. 

“Melora can help you, Fjord.”

In response Fjord let his head fall back to smack against the wall. “Caduceus I thought you understood, let it-”

“You don’t have to tell me,” Caduceus held a hand up. “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to Fjord. But if you think you will be alone out here you’re just wrong. Once the others see how nice it is here- a spare bedroom? Tea in the cabinet? These views? The others will keep coming by. You can’t hide from everyone. Jester’s already messaging you every day isn’t she?”

Fjord rolled his eyes. “I happened to commission a special ring that  _ blocks  _ sending spells, you should do the same. It’s been a lifesaver.”

That made Caduceus frown.

“I’m joking!” Fjord leant away from Caduceus’ glare. “Yes, she messages at least every week.”

“You can tell Melora, since you won’t let anyone else in. Tell the Wildmother what you carry. She rescued you once Fjord. She will do it again.”

“She can’t fix this Caduceus.” Fjord leaned his elbows onto his knees and stared at the horizon. “There’s no un-pushing this button.”

“Mmm,” Caduceus stood and put a hand on Fjord’s shoulder. “I wouldn’t count her out yet, Fjord.”

\--

Fjord dreamed of warmth on his face. He was laying in a patch of clovers, the branches of a tree high above him. It was warm and he was at peace, safe and protected.

A hand curled into his and he rubbed his thumb across it. It was Caleb, he knew. 

“Fjord?”

Fjord hummed, drowsy. He heard rustling. 

“Fjord, are you asleep?”

“Yes Caleb.”

He peeked one eye open to glance, and saw Caleb was sitting up next to him, turned to look at him, concerned. Rolling towards him Fjord reached and pulled Caleb down next to him. 

“Shh,” he nestled Caleb’s head under his chin and wrapped his arms around him. “Rest, Caleb. Melora watches over us.”

“She watches over  _ you _ .” Caleb pushed against Fjord’s chest, pulled himself from the embrace. “Not me.”

“She can,” Fjord let his hand fall from Caleb’s shoulder to his wrist, “Just lay with me for a minute.”

Caleb looked at him, a long look. Committing it to memory. “I was working. Working, Fjord. It’s important.”

“That’s what you always say,” Fjord sighed and rolled back to his back. “You worked right till you died. Never stopped to smell the flowers. Or lay in the clover.”

“Died…” Caleb repeated.

“Everyone else had plans. For after. For when we got rich and could walk away.” A butterfly meandered across Fjord’s vision. “Veth went home, raised her boy. God he’s scary with that bow. Jester wants to see the world, which goes nicely with Beau who wants to save the world. Beau’s going to settle soon though. Yasha likes to take walking vacations- have you ever heard of such a thing? Hiking, she calls it. She walks around the wilderness for fun. Like that’s the whole point.”

Caleb huffed a laugh.

“Of course Caduceus cures his home and I thought, well, that’s where he’ll stay again. Nope, he decided the world’s plants need him. He’s cataloguing plants. Has them all drawn up in a book. Notes about how they taste as tea in the margin. He’ll talk your ear off about flowers.”

“And you wanted to live by the sea.”

Fjord inhaled, the scent of flowers heavy and sweet on the air. “The Call was perfect, you know. Just like we talked about. Just enough magic to make everything easier, smoother. But still needed people, needed the crew, needed to be loved by a captain. But gods, Caleb. I can’t believe I’m saying it but I got spoiled by a bed.”

At that Caleb laughed for real. Fjord turned his head and watched, smiling. There were crinkles at the corner of Caleb’s eyes.

“Yes,” he said, wiping at his face. “I always figured once your joints started acting up you would give up on that whole “live in a ship till I die” mentality. My over under was about five years after it really started bothering you for your pride to finally give way to common sense.”

Fjord let his jaw drop in mock outrage. “I’ll have you know!” He sat up to glare at Caleb more effectively. Caleb just grinned. “I only left when I did because Mara was clearly itching to take over! I could have gone another five on the sea.” Caleb tilted his head and gave Fjord an impossibly soft look. “Ten!”

“Sure, sure.” Caleb leaned in and kissed the corner of Fjord’s mouth, easy as if he’d been doing it for years. “You are a harty man of the sea, I know.”

The kiss made Fjord pause. The comfort of it, the casual way Caleb kissed him like it was nothing, like it was everything. He reached a hand and cupped the side of Caleb’s face.

“I built a home on the beach.” His voice was lower now, more serious. “The garden is growing licorice and mint and all those other plants you always used in spells. There’s warding in the walls, keeping it protected. There’s a little village nearby, full of nice people. Mara’s going to bring me back some bees, from that island all those years ago. They’ll live under the maple tree I’m growing with Melora’s help.”

Caleb covered the hand on his face with his own. “It sounds… it sounds amazing Fjord. Why are you-”

“But you never talked about that.” Caleb winced but Fjord continued. “You never talked about after- fuck, you rarely talked about before, but you never talked about what you wanted after. It was like you just wanted to go on amassing power forever.”

“I didn’t think I’d get an after.”   
  


“Well, you were right.” Fjord pulled his hand away. “Self fulfilling prophecy and all. That’s why I know. Why I… well, it never would have worked, you and I.”

Caleb tried to reach for Fjord again, grabbing his forearm. “What? Why? Fjord, we didn’t get a chance to even try, not really. Why do you think we wouldn’t work? I lo-”

“I wasn’t good enough for you.” 

Caleb jerked like he had been slapped.

“You couldn’t be happy with me Caleb. I can’t imagine you in a cottage by the sea, tending a garden. You’re too ambitious. You were always so driven, there was always another spell to learn, to use.” Fjord shook his head and rubbed his eyes. They were wet. “This has only ever been a dream. I get it, I understand. I’ve been holding on to a fantasy for twenty years.”

A cold breeze pushed Caleb’s hair out of his face. “You always said you admired my ambition.”

“Oh, gods, Caleb I fell in  _ love _ with you because of your ambition.” Fjord huffed a laugh that tripped into a sob. He pressed a hand to his mouth to keep another in check. “You were ambitious and strong and sure and driven. Nothing was going to stop you. So smart, so fucking smart and capable. A master. Unmatched. I felt like I was watching history be made every time you did the littlest thing. I was drawn in like a moth to the candle.”

“I don’t understand.” Caleb’s face was closed, cold. “You think that because you aren’t a wizard you aren’t good enough?”

Fjord shook his head. “No. That’s not what I mean. I mean that you’d never be satisfied with just me. You knew I wouldn’t last on a ship? I knew you wouldn’t last without something to feed that ambition. You wanted more, Caleb. Always more. You’d never be satisfied sitting with me on the beach, selling reagents to keep busy.”

When Caleb didn’t have a reply Fjord turned, brought his knees up, and rested his elbows on them. This dreamland was rolling green hills covered in trees right up to the ocean. A herd of elk moved through the forest not far. Fjord watched them and slowed his breathing.

“Well, thank you Wildmother.”

At his side Caleb blinked in confusion. “What?”

“She knew I had to get this out I guess. Cad was wrong- I didn’t need to tell her what happened. That’s not what… it’s heavy, but I can carry that. No, I needed to let  _ you _ go. Kai proved I really hadn’t. Melora just gave me an avenue to move on.” Fjord lay back again, trying to pull that saccharin sweet feeling back over himself. “I guess I’ll finally get rid of that glove…”

“The glove of blasting?” Caleb asked. Fjord nodded.

“Yeah, I put it in the circle of transportation. Didn’t tell anyone. I wasn’t planning on letting them use it. Crazy, I know, how much that circle cost to put in the attic. Not that money is much of an issue anymore, not like it used to be. Maybe Mara would get some use out of the glove. Gods know Beau is going to love the circle access.”

Caleb leaned into Fjord’s vision. “You kept the glove all these years?”

Fjord tilted his head, looking over Caleb’s features. The line of his brows, drawn. His cheekbone, his jaw, the strong angle of his nose. His lips, pressed thin. His eyes, bright, blue, intense. “The glove I keep out. I can pass it off as useful. The only other thing we had left,” he ran a finger along the chain around his neck and pulled up the amber drops and the sigil. “I haven’t taken them off since that night.”

“Will you now?” Caleb touched his shoulder but removed his hand immediately. “Will you get rid of all memories of me?”

Blinking, Fjord looked around. He was in his bed, in his home, the morning sunlight soft from the other room. He let his head drop back onto his pillow and fiddled with the amber drops.


	3. Chapter 3

“Fjord!”

From his small boat at sea Fjord turned and looked back at his home, holding a hand up to shield the sun from his eyes. The fish he was trying to get off of his line slapped his ankle and he flinched.

Two figures stood on the shore in front of his house, waving their arms. One of them hopped up and down before skipping through the surf.

“Aw, Jess,” Fjord grumbled and set his tackle into the footwell, waving a hand at them. “You’re gonna ruin your dress like that.”

It was a small matter to beach his boat, a quick control water spell and Beau was pulling it the rest of the way. Jester ran past them, arms in the air. “It’s beautiful Fjord!”

“Damn,” Beau turned and squinted as Jester did a cartwheel, dragging the little skiff a few more feet into the dry grass before wiping her hands. “You’d think she didn’t live by the sea most of her life.”

“Ah, let her enjoy the little gifts of the Wildmother.” Fjord grabbed his line of fish and headed up to the house. “How was the trip?”

Beau gave a sharp whistle at Jester and turned to follow. “Fast. Used that circle of yours in the attic.”

Fjord stopped, foot slipping in the grass. “Oh, well, about that-”

“Your glove fell on the ground,” Beau passed him and gave him a confused look over her shoulder. “Why did you leave it up in the attic of all places?”

“I store all my gear up there.” Fjord tried to school his face into nonchalance. “You know, where I hung up my white hat.”

“I thought the term was ‘hang up the spurs’.” Beau pushed past the back door and into the house, holding it for Fjord. Together they set about preparing the fish as Jester wound her way through the garden.

Fjord carried the discarded fish parts out to his compost heap and returned, wiping his hands. “Tell me about the warded castle.”

Beau instantly started scowling. “I don’t even know if it’s a castle. Yussa said something about a tower but he was pretty baffled as well. Which is, you know, worrying.” She brought a cleaver down on some vegetables a little too forcefully and Fjord had to dive to grab the food before it hit the ground. “Sorry- I just don’t know how Yussa could be stumped by an upstart magic user.”

“You could ask the queen.”

With a deep sigh Beau put the cleaver down. “I did, actually. When Yussa said he was having trouble pinning down where the castle was, even though we  _ know _ where it is, the only thing I could think of was-”

“Dunemancy,” they said in unison. Fjord felt a little cold fear trickle down his spine, remembered Caleb casting a few dunemantic spells, remembered his shadowy clones. Remembered the last time he saw Caleb, face tense, blood trickling down his face, shifting in place, gripping a crystal and-

“Hey,” Beau nudged Fjord, bringing him back to the present. “I know it’s hard, talking about that stuff.”

Fjord busied himself with the pots and pans needed to cook dinner. “It’s… I’m fine Beau. Just trying to think of something useful.”

“Yeah, me too.” 

Jester came through the front door, arms full of flowers. “I’ve seen these in Yasha’s book!” she chirped as she tried to fit them all on the table vase. “They’re more vibrant while alive. Still, they were so pretty in her book.”

“That reminds me,” Fjord summoned some water to pour into the vase. “Did you find anything out about the dead adventurers you kept seeing?”

Beau lit the fire and slammed a pan onto the griddle top. “That’s the other thing that’s bugging me! Nothing. You’d think with so many bodies turning up  _ someone _ would recognize them, or know where they trained, or  _ something. _ All we’ve figured out is that they’ve gotten their gear from the same place- same craftsman seal. But like, where that craftsman is? No clue. No records.”

“Fucking baffling,” Fjord murmured.

\---

Fjord recognized the honey sweet smell of flowers even before he opened his eyes.

He was dreaming again. Of that grove near the sea. He turned his head and saw a fat rabbit eating a flower just a foot from his nose.

“Fjord?”

Turning over Fjord caught sight of Caleb. He was wearing a simple white shirt, dark breeches. No coat- and no books- made him look even more slight. Perhaps it was Fjord’s memory playing tricks, he wondered, but he couldn’t decide if Caleb had always been so bony.

“I’m right here,” Fjord reached out and poked Caleb’s cheek. “Will you rest with me this time?”

Caleb rubbed his face. “I have a hard time seeing you, you know.”

“Yeah well, death will do that to you,” Fjord rolled onto his back and stretched. 

“Do I look dead to you?”

Caleb sounded indignant so Fjord gave him a good once over. “I suppose you don’t right this moment, no.”

“I thought not,” Caleb considered Fjord for a minute. “You seem pretty relaxed, for thinking I’m dead.”

“Oh, well,” Fjord lifted a hand and a butterfly briefly landed on it before fluttering off. “Hard to be upset about a dream. Especially one so nice.”

“You dream of me Fjord?” Caleb put a hand down next to Fjord’s head and leaned over. “Do you dream of me often, then? To not be surprised?”

Humming, Fjord turned and ran his nose along the inside of Caleb’s wrist. “I used to dream about you all the time. Nightmares, dreams, memories. It was killing me. But I haven’t in years. Until last time.”

“Why do you dream of me now?”

“I don’t know,” Fjord swore he could smell paper and ink, just like Caleb used to smell of. “I feel conflicted, I suppose.”

“Ah,” Caleb brought his other hand to brush through Fjord’s hair. “You need to talk something out with me?”

Fjord blushed and looked away. “Or something like that.”

“What’s the matter? We used to talk through things all the time.”

“This is different.” Fjord brought a hand up to hide his face. “This time it’s about you.”

Caleb’s hand stilled. “Oh.”

“I can’t let go of you,” Fjord suddenly said. “I thought I was, I thought everything was fine, I had moved on, I let go. But then I retired, and I met Kai and-” Fjord swallowed. Stopped. 

“What’s wrong?” Caleb peeled Fjord’s hand from his face and held onto it. “What changed?”

“Marion pointed out that I…” Fjord’s heart was pounding. “She pointed out that I felt like I betrayed you, by moving on. Like I was cheating on your memory. And she was right, of course. Some part of me was holding onto hope that you were still alive, out there somewhere.”

“Being with Kai isn’t betraying me,” Caleb chuckled. “I feel no jealousy. But, ehm,” he ran his thumb over Fjord’s knuckles. “Are you letting go of me now? Is that why you are conflicted? Are you trying to say goodbye?”

For a while Fjord considered that. “No… no I don’t think that’s it either, actually. You’re still here, in my heart. I don’t think… I don’t think I want to let go. As pathetic as that is.” Fjord laughed at himself. “I’m such a sap.”

“My sap,” Caleb leaned down and pressed a kiss to Fjord’s lips, and Fjord jumped with surprise. “Sorry,” Caleb pulled back, blushing. “Uh, you were saying?”

“Oh,” Fjord looked everywhere but Caleb, blushing furiously. “I was saying something?”

“Ja, something about why you are conflicted?”   
  


Fjord slid his hand up to Caleb’s elbow and tugged. “I don’t remember now.” 

Something Caleb saw in Fjord’s eyes made him shift, leaning forward again. “Well, you are still dreaming, so…”

“Hmm,” Fjord agreed and lifted himself up, brought his face closer to Caleb’s. “Seems I am.” His eyes locked onto Caleb’s lips. 

Caleb’s breath was starting to pick up speed. “What would you like to dream of next?”

Fjord slid a hand to the back of Caleb’s head and met his eyes for a moment, long enough for Caleb to flush further, before slowly bringing their mouths together in a soft kiss. Caleb grabbed the front of Fjord’s shirt, holding him in place and they slowly moved together.

Pausing to breathe, Fjord looked over Caleb’s face. “Yeah?” 

“Yes,” Caleb pushed Fjord back into the flowers and kissed him again, this time with more hunger behind it. 

Fjord tried not to groan as he brought his other hand to Caleb’s waist and ran his fingers along the edge of his shirt. In response Caleb swung a leg over Fjord, straddling him and resting his weight on Fjord. 

“Caleb,” Fjord tightened his fingers in Caleb’s hair, pulling away. “I wish-”

“Nein,” Caleb cut him off with a quick kiss. “Enjoy what we have now, here.” He kissed again, and again, turning his head this way and that, tugging Fjord’s shirt restlessly. “Stay with me in this moment.”

With a quick push Fjord rolled them over, wrapping his arms around Caleb and holding him close to his chest. Caleb hummed and wrapped his arms around Fjord’s neck in response. The kiss slowed into languid movement, deep sighs. Fjord broke away and nuzzled into the side of Caleb’s face and pressed kisses to his jaw.

“What if this was real,” Caleb murmured, and Fjord paused.

“Don’t… I thought we were enjoying the moment?”

Caleb instantly gripped Fjord harder, holding him down, fingers tight on Fjord’s bicep and shoulder like he was afraid Fjord would disappear. “But what if this was real. What if you woke up and I was there.”

“That’s not how dreaming works, Caleb.” Fjord rested his forehead against the grass, face in Caleb’s hair. He smelled real. “Please, let me forget for a minute. Let me dream.”

“Would it be so bad?” Caleb’s breath shuddered. “Would you hate me for being gone? Do you hate me for leaving?”

Fjord’s hands were twisted and clenched tight on his pillow, clutched to his chest. In a fit of anger, frustration, Fjord rolled and threw the pillow across the room. It hit the wall and plopped to the ground.

Sitting up Fjord growled. It was early still, the light through his window faint, the sky barely a brighter shade of blue. He pulled himself to the edge of his bed and buried his face in his hands.

Saltwater dripped onto the floor between his feet. He pressed hands to his eyes and tried to will it to stop. It was like holding against a tide though. As much power as he had, as much magic as he controlled and strength he had built he couldn’t fight against it. 

In the dark of the morning he sobbed quietly into a lonely home.

\---

The next time Beau and Jester popped in they brought a friend.

“Veth!” Fjord stood from the garden when Beau threw open the front door. It was turning into autumn but it never got too cold on the coast. The breeze was a bit chilly but the ground was still soft. And soft ground was always happy to grow and be tended, as Cad said.

“Fjord you old geezer get over here!” She made her way down the path, grinning sharply. Despite having been a goblin for a short time comparatively, Fjord could still imagine her teeth as razors when she smiled that wide. 

He bent to hug her gently and tried not to think of Caleb. Veth pulled back and grabbed his face, looking at him intently for a long moment. Fjord thought about Caleb a lot then, unable to look away from the deep scarring across the side of Veth’s head, the mottled skin long healed but marked by the intense magic. She grunted and patted his cheek.

“You look worse than me you little shit,” she grumbled and leant on her walking stick. 

“Told you,” Beau stage-whispered. Veth made a noise and turned to head back into the house. 

Jester looped an arm into Fjord’s. “She missed you.”

“I missed her too,” Fjord replied loud enough for Veth to catch. “Though I think she’s getting soft in her age.”

“Fuck you!” Veth called back and started slamming through cupboards. “Where’s the whiskey? Fjord! I know you keep the good stuff where I can’t reach it!”

She was right. Not intentionally, not because of Veth, but the little alcohol he kept around lived in a hatch that even Fjord had to stretch to reach. Beau was reaching for it now as Veth set glasses at the table and started dragging chairs around to her liking. 

“You have good taste in houses, in decorating,” she chirped as they all took a seat. “I figure Mara had some input at least?”

“Not directly,” Fjord uncapped the bottle and poured everyone- except Jester- a small glass. “I kept it from her as well, so don’t take it personally.”

Veth waved a hand and took her glass. “To the Mighty Nein.”

Everyone else hesitated before clinking their glasses together, a somber mood settling over them. 

“Would that the rest could be here,” Fjord sighed and tilted his glass, looking it over. “I miss having us all together.”

“Me too,” Jester popped a piece of fruit into her mouth and chewed. “I miss Caduceus’ food.”

“Oh yeah,” Beau leaned back in her chair and looked wistful. “He did that one veggie dish, with the truffles?”

Veth shook her head and poured another round. “The potatoes were with truffles, roasted. The veggie dish had mustard seed in it.”

Beau slapped her thigh. “That was it! Damn. You growing that stuff here Fjord?”

“The potatoes, the mustard, but no truffles. Cad says they probably won’t take here very well, unless I build a special cellar for it.”

“Ooh,” Veth raised her eyebrows. “A literal root cellar? With mushrooms? I might have a few ideas on some… special breeds.”

Fjord knew that look. “I know that look. No poisonous stuff next to the edible, not around here. Unless it’s components.”

“Hmpf,” Veth sipped her drink and considered Fjord. “I noticed you took a fancy to certain plants. Licorice roots. Oak saplings. Holly. Yew. Sumac-”

“And?”

Beau narrowed her eyes at Fjord. At least she hadn’t noticed.

“Use enough magic you can grow anything I guess,” Veth set her glass down. “I’m just curious who you’re growing all that magical material for. Have you taken up the arcane finally?”

Fjord tapped a claw on the table slowly. “I’m looking to sell in a nearby market. Staying busy is important to me. I like… feeling useful.”

Veth looked almost disappointed. “Well that’s good. Anyone helping you around here?”

“Mara comes in every few weeks, usually with tales from the sea. She did bring me this though,” Fjord leaned back and pulled a jug off a shelf. “Said she bought it from a small island, the clay there is a sort of blueish color, and they glaze it with-”

“Fascinating,” Veth cut him off. “No one else?”

Fjord trailed off, confused, and looked at his companions. They all watched him warily.

“Right, what’s going on?”

Jester ducked her head. “We just worry about you Fjord, we want you to be happy and ever since that guy in Nicodranas you haven’t-”

“-I hate thinking about you moping around out here all by yourself, you sad sop, you should have just moved in with Marion and-”

“Hey,” Beau gently cut through Veth and Jesters nervous rambles. “You don’t want us to handle you with kid gloves-”

“You don’t have to handle me at all!” Fjord snapped.

Beau held up a hand. “Ok, I get it. We shouldn’t try and manipulate you or mislead you, so I’ll come out and say it.”

Fjord spread his hands in a ‘be my guest’ gesture.

“You still aren’t over Caleb dying, you shacked up with someone who could have been Caleb’s cousin, and then you disappeared to the coast and built a house we can only see would be perfect for you and Caleb- fuck, Fjord, you put a teleportation circle in the attack with no intention of telling us and you keep the glove of blasting on it! Like a shrine!”

“He wouldn’t want a shrine, Fjord,” Veth whispered.

“It’s not a shrine!” Fjord sat upright, voice pitching higher as he leaned forward. “This house is for me, I always said I wanted to live by the ocean, and I found I like growing things, it feels nice to help nurture and- and not everything I do is about Caleb!”

The tips of his ears were warm, and his cheeks, and his throat felt tight. The others didn’t look convinced.

“The circle? The glove?” Jester finally asked, voice small and eyes averted.

“I… that…” He didn’t have an explanation. Not one that would suffice. “I just thought it would be a good idea. I thought maybe-” his throat caught and he coughed, turning away. 

“Fjord,” Beau grabbed his shoulder. “I know I’m busy with this stupid invisible thing but... “

“I’m fine,” Fjord insisted, and pulled his lips tight. Beau’s eyes flicked to his tusks and he instinctively pursed his lips to hide them again. “I’m happy, here. I’m happy having Mara come visit, having a spare room for when you all stop by. I’m happy helping you talk through theories.”

“Would you be happier if we stayed?” Beau asked. Fjord frowned.

“You can’t. You know you can’t. The cultists-”

Veth slapped a hand onto the table. “Fuck it- let’s take them all out. One last hurrah of the Mighty Nein.”

“Veth,” Beau pressed a hand into her face. “We rooted out almost all of them but there’s no way to know how many are still out in the wilds. Just because we cleared out most of the cities doesn’t mean-”

The table dissolved into an old argument- how to live safely, whether it was worth the danger to travel together, on and on. 

Fjord rubbed his temples for a moment before looking out the back door, to the ocean. The idea of Beau and Jester living with him- well, maybe not with him. There was only so much of their cloyingly happy relationship he could stomach in a day before he turned bitter. But up the beach he had scouted another plot of land before settling here. Maybe they could have their own cottage…

It wasn’t what he really longed for, he realized. His eyes flicked to his bedroom, the too big bed, the empty nightstand on the left. He wanted a partner. 

“Fjord?” Jester slipped her hand into his, voice soft, and he tried to smile at her. “Can we help?”

“You already are Jester.” He pat her hand and sighed. “Coming to see me, checking in on everyone, it helps keep me at ease I think.”

“Ok.” She smiled back at him. “Do you want me to make you a dildo?”

Veth choked on her drink and Beau toppled backwards.

\---

“I want you to tell me what happened.”

Fjord let his head drop. The sun was setting, the sky turning darker and a cool breeze made Fjord grateful for the light coat he had pulled on. He liked this bench, he thought, and rubbed his hands along the soft wood. It had character.

“I know you heard me.”

He looked up again, squinting out across the water to where it met the horizon. “I told you all those years ago, did you forget?”

Veth shut the backdoor and walked over to stand next to Fjord. “Don’t bullshit me any more.”

“Let’s play along. If I was bullshitting?” He looked at Veth, who had an eyebrow raised. “What would anything different do? If something else had happened, what does it matter to you, what would it change?”

“I want to know.” She set her feet and stared him down. “It’s been twenty fucking years Fjord. I’ll have that truth now.”

Fjord ran a hand through his hair, exasperated. “Why? Why now? Is that why you came to my home? To catch me feeling morose and try to twist the story from me again? How many times, Veth, did I explain it to you, to everyone? How many times did I relive it?”

Her eyes softened but her stance didn’t waver. “Stop trying to distract me. Tell me the truth Fjord Stone.”

“Why? What will it do for you?” Fjord glared at her. “How will it possibly help you? He’s still gone! He’s still been gone for twenty years! He’s not coming back!”

“I want to know what happened to my boy.”

“He’s dead Veth!” Fjord turned away and snarled. “Caleb is dead, he died to make sure we lived. He blew you up, he couldn’t forgive himself, so he went out on his terms, exactly how he wanted. The truth isn’t going to take those scars from you.”

“He didn’t blow me up!” Veth grabbed Fjords jacket and shook him. “You know he didn’t, I  _ chose _ to go back! I made my choice to try and save those papers, the lists, the information. And I made it out! I don’t care about the scars! Don’t blame me for whatever happened to him- just tell me the truth!”

Fjord shook his head. “He cast that spell, he conjured that fire and killed you again. You didn’t make it out Veth- you looked like barbeque when we pulled you out of there. None of us can eat red meat- it was the worst thing I had seen, Veth.” He begged her to not ask any more, eyes wide. “I can still…”

“And I told you that I didn’t feel any of it.” She snapped her fingers. “Just one instant of noise and then I was waking up in Jester’s arms. I’m more sorry that you all had to see that. I’m the one that got off easy.”

“The look on his face…” Fjord shook his head. “It set Caleb back like nothing else. You remember what it was like. He wouldn’t conjure anything. He walked around with Frumpkin around his face like a mask. None of us wanted to be near fire but Caleb wouldn’t even light a candle.”

“I remember the last fight.” Veth pulled on Fjord’s collar and glared at him. “I remember everything going to shit. I remember Caleb holding back. And then,” her face twisted into a grimace, “and then things get fuzzy, Fjord. I was next to Caleb, and then I wasn’t. You were. You were next to him as the meteors came down, as the ground started opening up. You were next to him. You had the amber. You pulled everyone out of there- except my boy. You moved like you had plotted out how to get out of there, like you knew exactly which beams were coming down, where the ravines would open. What the fuck did you do Fjord?”

Fjord shook. His heart pounded in his ears. He could smell that bitter scent, powerful magic, coating the air. “Don’t…” he tried to swallow. “Don’t ask me this, Veth.”

She moved in front of him and shook him with both hands. “What the fuck did you do, Fjord?”

“Veth,” Beau warned from the doorway, voice pitched low. “Be careful, you don’t-”

Veth whipped around and pointed an accusatory finger at Beau, Jester peeking over her shoulder. “Don’t pretend you aren’t dying to know too Beauregard!” she hissed. “It was driving you crazy too! You asked me if he told me anything more than once! We talked about using zone of truth on-”

“Stop it!” Jester wailed and pressed her hands to her mouth. “Please, if Fjord can’t talk about it maybe-”

“If you don’t want to know then go inside Jess,” Veth interrupted. “But it’s killing him, we all see it.” She turned back to Fjord, who looked pale. “And I deserve to know, finally, what really happened.”

“We defeated Ganrethor, the high cultist,” Fjord said weakly. “We beat the angel in irons, the cult, Tharizdun will stay chained forever.”

“Sure. The world is saved. From them. But what happened to my boy? What happened to Caleb? We need him and he’s gone and I want to know why!”

The ocean crashed against the shore, the stars sparkled overhead. Fjord didn’t see it, Fjord couldn’t hear it.

He could only hear the screams.

\--

“We took the side door- remember, you picked it- and we snuck in through their supply rooms. We didn’t know- gods, we didn’t really know what was happening. After Uk’otoa we thought, you know, we had an idea how cultists worked, how we could stop them from breaking chains and things like that.”

“I fucking remember it Fjord. Like it was yesterday.” Veth was sitting on the ground in front of him, Beau at his side on the bench. Jester was still hovering by the door, unsure if she wanted to hear.

“Right. Well, we fought past or scared away most of the-”

Veth dug her fingers into his knees and he winced. “Skip to the part.”

“Which-”

She dug in again. “You know.”

Beau pushed her hands away. “Veth, fuck, let him work through it. He’ll get there.”

Veth, finally, looked almost abashed, but her chin was still set.

“Uhm,” Fjord blinked, still not seeing, still lost in the memory. “Well. You all saw the ground coming apart. The whole city… well. Tharizdun was coming through a portal, underground, pushing up the earth. The, he, Ganrethor- whatever he was, he was casting through the conduits.” Fjord tried to swallow and Beau grimaced. “They were chained up, all those people, and the air was thick with blood. I was terrified Yasha would recognize someone.”

“They were wiped out already,” Beau reminded him. “Yasha’s tribe, killed, just for this reason. Because they were keys.”

“They were people first,” Fjord closed his eyes. “The screaming. The sounds. And Ganrethor was up there, suped up on power. He was fucking levitating and glowing and I looked at Caleb and-”

“That’s when it started?” Veth cut in and Beau kicked her gently.

“Shut up!”

“Why didn’t you stop him?” Veth leaned forward, ignoring Beau. “If he decided then why didn’t you-”

“I looked at Caleb and knew instantly that it was bad. Really bad.” Fjord was either ignoring them or lost in reliving the nightmare. “They had residuum in their arms, the conduits. The air around them glittered with the crystals. Those fucking crystals.” Fjord clenched his fists, claws biting into skin.

“We used those crystals to save you once,” Jester said. “We had to, to cast the spell, on that boat when we were-”

“I wish you hadn’t.” Fjord spat. “I wish we threw that bag of shit into the lava. I wish we had gone to Whitestone and blown that whole cursed place off the map.”

The others looked confused. “Fjord, it’s just a reagent, like what you are growing,” Beau said and put a hand on his forearm. “All magic can be abused, it’s not like the crystals are what-”

She abruptly stopped, eyes going wide. “Wait.”

“Beau?” Jester came closer. “I’m confused, what do the crystals-”

“He didn’t,” Beau wheezed, voice cracking. “Fjord tell me he didn’t.”

“What the fuck happened next?” Veth snapped.

“I don’t know what you guys remember happened, but this is what I saw.”

\--

Fjord cut through another summoned abomination and panted, looking around the field. Caduceus was holding his own, his bugs maintaining a field of space around him. Yasha was lost to the rage, hacking her way to the raised dais, her wings flaring behind her. Jester was up on a balcony, her duplicate darting around trying to keep up with Beau.

Fjord turned and reached to steady Caleb. The wizard was pumped with so much energy Fjord could almost feel the arcane on his skin. “Caleb-”

“We need to cut him off,” Caleb threw a chromatic orb at another grotesque creature and panted. “We have to save those aasimar, if he sacrifices them-”

Another meteor screamed down onto them and Fjord had just enough time to thurnderstep them away, back up the fallen wall. Veth dove away the other direction, dropping her stealth to evade the massive ball of fire that impacted where they had been standing. 

“Caleb!” she called, turning around to look frantically for him. “Caleb!?”

“We’re fine,” Fjord called. He had brought them to a window, or maybe it had been a doorway. Caleb stumbled over rubble and Fjord caught him, pulled him to his chest.

“What happens if he sacrifices them?” he asked, holding Caleb’s gaze. “What do we do then?”

Caleb shook his head. “There’s nothing to do. That’s the final seal. It will be done.”

The ground shook with another meteor and lightning struck the wall behind Jester, shattering the window. She shrieked, arms going up to shield her face. Fjord and Caleb both jerked at the sound, watched Jester slump. A large shard of glass had pinned her to the railing.

“Jester!” Beau screamed and turned back from Ganrethor, trying to push her way to the balcony.

“Focus!” Caleb called, and Beau hesitated. “We have to stop him!”

Her face was wrecked but she obeyed, turning to swipe Ganrethor’s feet out from under him.

“No!” the cultist threw his hand out and Caleb tried, tried to stop whatever that was coalescing into his hand, but he didn’t have the power. Instead the ground rolled, groaned. Caleb and Fjord grabbed each other and crouched as the world trembled.

Was this it, Fjord thought. Was that the final nail?

Then movement, to the left. Caduceus stumbled, lost his foot for a second. 

And tipped backwards, into a freshly formed ravine, lit from below. He yelled, called out. A hand reached vainly for Yasha, but they were too far away. They could only watch as he fell from view- and the ground snapped shut, erasing any sign of what had just happened.

“What the fuck?!” Veth screamed and unloaded her repeater crossbow at Ganrethor. “What the fuck was that?!”

Another meteor appeared in the sky, plummeting straight for them. Fjord felt his stomach drop, he couldn’t get Caleb away this time. Still, he turned, tried to grab Caleb to move.

The meteor stopped.

Every hair on Fjord’s body stood up. 

There was no sound. No crackling fire, no earthquakes. No screams. No moans.

Fjord felt like he had been slowed, like he was moving underwater. Energy buzzed across his shoulders as he fought against it, pulled like he was straining at shackles until-

With a snap he was free. His head hurt like nothing he had experienced. He whipped around, trying to take stock, to find Caleb-

Everything was frozen in place. That eerie sense of wrongness made Fjord twitch. Beau was mid-air, bringing her staff down on Ganrethor. One of the beasts had grabbed Veth and was trying to tear her apart. Likely would succeed. Yasha’s blade was connecting with some magical barrier around Ganrethor, who was grinning in his madness. 

Like stuck in a portrait Fjord took it in, confused. 

“Damn,” Caleb grit from behind him, and Fjord instinctively reached for him. “I thought I… I thought I got you too.”

Caleb was leaning against the edge of the doorway they stood in, empty bags at his feet. Fjord knew those bags- they had been in the storage rooms they first walked through. Fjord tried to breathe, tried to catch his breath. He reached a hand for Caleb’s arm.

They were nearly unrecognizable, there were so many residuum crystals plunging into his skin. And, now that Fjord was looking, there was blood dripping down his body. Another large shard stuck out from his side, the green coated with red. He was in the process of driving a second large shard into his thigh and panted.

“Caleb, what the fu-”

“Just stay there,” Caleb held up a hand. “I can do this, I can fix it.”

“Fix what? Caleb did you… did you  _ stop time _ ?”

“Sort of.” He pulled another spike of the crystal out of a bag. “Do me a favor,” he said, almost nonchalant. “Can you… can you pretend you didn’t see this?”

“No!” Fjord immediately yelped. “What the fuck are you doing?!” 

Caleb laughed humorlessly. “I said… I said we have to stop him, didn’t I?” He panted, eyes tight with pain but locked on Fjord. “And now I think, maybe I can say something first.”

Fjord finally broke free of his paralysis and grabbed Caleb’s shoulders, tried to push his healing magic into Caleb. “Stop, fuck, just hold on, tell me what’s going on? Why are you, and why did you- I didn’t think you could stop time!”

His magic stopped the bleeding, but the shards were still sticking out of Caleb like he was a pincushion.

“Fjord,” Caleb brought his free hand up to Fjord’s cheek and he stopped. “I just want you to know I hold you in a very high regard.”

“Okay, Caleb, alright. I hold you in high regard as well, but what-”

“I hope you can forgive me,” Caleb said, and pulled Fjord down to kiss him.

Fjord reeled, shocked, but Caleb’s desperate hold on him brought him slamming back into his senses. He pulled Caleb closer, shards of residuum cutting him, digging into his skin, but he held on. He kissed Caleb like he had been wanting to for years, poured the love and adoration into the kiss. When Caleb pulled back Fjord leaned further, tried to keep him there in an embrace.

“I’m sorry, Fjord,” Caleb said, eyes welling with tears. “I wish…”

“Whatever you’re doing, stop,” Fjord pleaded, voice low. Caleb’s form was starting to flicker- like he was a shaking image leaving ghostly shadows of himself in space. 

“It’s too late for me,” Caleb moved his hands and started chanting. He was getting harder to see, to focus on.

“Caleb, I love you, please,” Fjord grabbed at Caleb’s shirt, tried to anchor them together. “Don’t do this, it can’t be good, please just stop-”

“They’re all going to die, Fjord,” the shards started glowing. Copies of Caleb were appearing at an alarming rate. “How could I live knowing they died and we still failed?”

Something cracked, loudly, making Fjord’s ears ring. He felt something trickle down his face and wiped blood from his nose. “With me,” Fjord begged. “We’ll find a way. You’re the smartest person I’ve ever met, don’t give up-”

Sounds were warped then, and Fjord looked over his shoulder to see the meteor rise back into the sky. “What-”

“I love you, Fjord.” Caleb brought his hands together on the last crystal and, like a ripple, all the copies of him did as well. “I love y-”

The words echoed through space, and time. Fjord felt weightless for a moment, then formless, like he was looking down on himself looking down on Caleb.

Reality was no longer real. Fjord was standing with his hands in Caleb’s shirt. Fjord was standing with Caleb kissing him. Fjord was teleporting. Fjord was turning, looking. Fjord gripped Caleb’s shirt tighter. Caleb kissed him again. Caleb kissed him again, but he had a beard. Caleb kissed him again but his eye was missing and a scar cut down his face. Caleb was casting magic, the shards glowing. Copies of Caleb extended into infinity, like looking into the beacon. 

“I love you, Fjord.”

The words echoed, warped. Fjord’s fingers ached, his arm burned. But he held on. He wasn’t going to release Caleb even if it meant the universe tore itself to pieces around him. Which, to be fair, it did look like it was trying its hardest to do.

There was a bright light, like looking at the sun. It twisted and pulled into darkness. A cacophony of sounds assaulted Fjord, endless voices calling and shouting and screaming and weeping. Endless Caleb’s reached out. Endless Caleb’s placed a hand on Fjord’s.

“Save them Fjord.”

They pushed Fjord away, wrenched his hands off of Caleb. He clung anyway, like a small child, fingers scrabbling for purchase in the nothingness. 

“Caleb please!” he cried out, tumbling backwards. 

Fjord was standing with his hands in Caleb’s shirt. His right hand gripped over the amber drops. Caleb kissed him, green shards pushing into Fjord’s skin, connecting them. Fjord’s blood ran down the crystal and pooled with Caleb’s. Fjord was holding Caleb, thunderstepping, cutting a hole in space to step through to escape the meteor. Fjord turned, looked up to track where the Mighty Nein were, catalogued the way they came in, potential exits, weak points in the collapsing building.

Caleb was holding Fjord on the deck of the Balleater. It was raining. A gaping wound was no longer bleeding on Fjord’s chest. “Help him,” Caleb begged, holding the side of Fjord’s head. Rain washed them away.

Fjord skid across a dock and picked up Caleb, pulling a potion out of his pack. “Please,” he whispered as he gave Caleb the poion. “Please.” Ocean spray washed the image and revealed the next.

They were in a torture dungeon. Caleb was sitting on a table. Fjord was leaning against a wall. “Never again.” They promised. They would never be parted again.

So Fjord held on, hand locked onto Caleb. “No,” he grit out, eyes tunneling into darkness.

Something in his hold finally snapped, and he dropped.

He coughed, breathing hard.

“Are you ok?” Veth asked.

Fjord turned and saw limitless copies of Veth. Versions of her were doing everything. Turning away, diving for cover, taking a shot. They coalesced into a real Veth, who looked around and shouted “Where’s Caleb?”

“He’s right…” Fjord turned to where Caleb had been leaning on him. He was gone.

“Oh.”

Fjord watched the meteor come towards him and reached for the version of Veth that was leaping into his arms. That version coalesced into reality and they thunderstepped up to where Jester was.

“Down, now!”

He pushed them both over the edge as the lightning struck. He pulled Caduceus away from where the ravine was coming, cracking through the ground. Then he looked up and waited for the next meteor.

“You,” he said, and reached for the meteor that was falling on the diaz. Yasha dove aside, Beau swept Garenthor’s legs out and backflipped away as the meteor struck, crushing the lead cultist. The rest of them were blown back by a shockwave as the spell snapped, incomplete, the diaz cracked down the middle. 

Fjord herded them down to a hidden door, pulling the reality where it wasn’t blocked. He ferried weak aasimar out as well, faster and faster as he honed in the realities he wanted to appear. 

Then he led them out, away, the haze of glittering airborne residuum fading as the entire building fell into rubble, then sank into the ground.

Fjord collapsed backward and fell into his own shoes, hand gripped in Caleb’s shirt. Caleb kissed him. 

Then his ass hit the ground, the realities were gone. Dust was settling and he wavered in and out of consciousness, trying to gather enough moisture in his mouth to swallow.

“Fjord?” Beau skidded on her knees next to him. “What happened? Where’s Caleb? Did he get out?”

“Did you see what he did?”

“How could he know about-”

“What are the odds that meteor would-”

“Fjord!” Beau shook his shoulder and he tried to make his eyes focus on her. “Fjord what the fuck just happened?”

“He’s dead,” Fjord replied numbly. His hand finally opened to reveal the amber drops. “Caleb’s dead.”

\---

  
  


“I don’t understand.” 

Jesters voice finally cut through the silence as Fjord trailed off, looking into his hand like he expected the drops to be there again.

“He fucking…” Beu rubbed her mouth, eyes watering. “He fucking  _ knew _ -” her voice broke and she walked away to stare at the ocean for a moment.

Veth was staring at Fjord’s open hand. “You didn’t let go, did you.”

Fjord shook his head.

Veth slid her hand, so small, into his. “Ok.”

“I don’t understaaaaand.” Jester repeated. “So Caleb teleported away or something?”

Beau quickly walked a circle, then stopped. “When he… when they cast those dunemantic spells, he used to say it was pulling from different...and when we looked into the beacon we were taking out a mote of possibility? Probability? Shit what was it called?”

“One time,” Veth pet Fjord’s forearm, “he pointed up at the stars and told me there are other worlds out there. I didn’t believe him, but the beacon, and when he would make copies of himself…”

“Ok, let me get this straight.” Jester pulled out her notebook and a pencil. “Caleb made a bunch of copies of himself, and that somehow let Fjord control reality? But where did Caleb go?”

Fjord winced. “Oh gods…”

“That much risiduum,” Beau was rapid tapping her fingers on her chin, “he could have literally torn a hole in the fucking plane, he could have-”

“Wait,” Veth kept her hand on Fjord but turned to Beau. “Do you think he’s alive? Somewhere?”

“I don’t fucking know!” Beau threw up her hands in exasperation. “I don’t know enough about this! About dunamancy! And the only person that might is-”

“Caleb’s dead,” Fjord growled. “I felt it. Casting something like… whatever that was. It tore him apart. He’s not…” he looked away and tried to swallow back the tears in his eyes. 

They all fell silent.

“You’ve been carrying that for a long time, Fjord,” Jester whispered and moved to kneel next to Veth. “That sounds like it was really scary, what happened, what you saw.”

Fjord cleared his throat but didn’t turn back.

“I think it’s really honorable that you didn’t tell anyone. That you were trying to protect us.” She covered Veth and Fjord’s hands. “I’m sorry that you have had to deal with this on your own though.”

“He said,” Fjord’s voice wavered. “So I did, I didn’t turn back or look. He said to save everyone so I did, even though… even though I wanted-”

“Did you look for him?” 

It was Beau that asked, in the end. Beau asked him that haunting question. “Did you look for him?” she asked Fjord, eyes wide and face open, curious.

“I jammed crystals into every part of my body,” Fjord replied, monotone. “I drank residuum, I smoked residuum, I injected it. I burned myself out of magic trying to reach back.”

“Fuck.”

“Yussa thought I had gone off the deep end, and you know,” he laughed mirthlessly, “maybe I did! Maybe I am! I spent so much time lingering around that tower, asking questions, begging him to look into dunemancy. Tried to get him to let Halas out.”

“Oh  _ fuck _ .” Beau turned away. “You really… damn you really went there?”

“I’d do anything to get him back.” Fjord looked down at his hand, filled with Veth’s small one and Jeter’s blue one. “I failed him. I let him go. I didn’t have enough strength to prove we could do it.”

“Ok,” Jester stood. “That isn’t true Fjord. Not at all. Caleb made his decision. He chose to do whatever he did, whatever that crazy magic stuff and making copies. He chose to save us, to save  _ you _ , to make sure you could get everyone to safety.”

Veth pressed her forehead to Fjord’s hand. “I’m sorry,” she said, “I never would’ve guessed. I thought maybe… I don’t know what I thought. I just knew it didn’t add up. And I knew you had the answers so I-”

“We all did,” Beau rubbed her face vigorously and faced them. “I let us all whisper and wonder and pitch theories about what happened. I should’ve put my foot down. We should have trusted you, Fjord.”

“I’m not,” Fjord cleared his throat. “I’m not broken, ok? You guys all treat me like I was the worst hurt. We all lost Caleb. I’m not broken because he’s gone.”

“Yeah,” Jester tilted her head. “You seem more haunted than broken, now that I know what to look for.”

“Whatever,” Fjord stood up, stepped around Veth, and walked down to the shore. The others followed, cautious. Veth stayed further back, where the grass ended. 

“I feel like there’s a piece of me missing,” Fjord let the wind push his hair out of his face. “I feel like… like after what he did he took something of me with him. But at the same time I feel like there’s something he put in me,” Fjord rubbed his sternum. “It’s… it’s heavy, but it’s here. Like the orb, all that time ago.”

Beau and Jester shared a look. 

“I thought I would let go of everything and it would, gods, peel everything away until I figured it out. But now, every time I swim I think…”

He reached out, cast the incantation to control water. The spell fizzled on his fingertips.

“I think, what if I sink? What if I drift down to the depths like I should have. After my ship exploded. There’s a reality out there where I fell into the crushing deep and never met any of you. I wonder if I was always meant to, if this was all just a delay of what was my true end, my fate.”

“It’s not,” Beau argued and grabbed Fjord’s wrist. “Fuck, Fjord, don’t do that. It isn’t your fate. You aren’t in the reality where you died like that. You’re in this one. Caleb put you in this one.”

“Oh,” Fjord frowned at the sea. “He did?”

Jester linked her arm through his. “I bet Caleb knew this was a good one, he put you here because he loved you.”

“Oh.” Fjord dropped his head into his hand. 

Behind them Veth sat down and watched, trying to keep her breathing even.

\--

The alarm spell pinged, hard, and Kai cursed. He couldn’t stop now, the incantation was started and if he stopped the precious residuum would be consumed needlessly.

“Distract them,” he ordered the raven. It bobbed it’s head and flew out a window.

Just another few hours, he thought, and grit his teeth. Blood dripped from his arm and splashed into the magical chalk. Cursing, he swept it away and retraced that spot, forcing himself to focus on the incantation. 

He was so close. So close and those idiots would finally,  _ finally _ be taken care of.

“Soon,” he growled, and reached to dip his hand into the bowl of blood before drawing the next section. “Soon.”

  
  
  



	4. Chapter 4

They finished the original bottle of whiskey, then another bottle of something stronger, until they were all passing Veth’s flask back and forth and well into their cups. 

“T’ fuggin Caleb, man,” Beau roared, lifting her glass and peering at the others. “That sonovabitch was too smart for his own damn good!”

“He was really smart,” Jester agreed, and sipped her mild wine, the only alcohol she had ever taken a shine to. “And he was so brave too!”

“To Caleb!” Veth staggered onto the table and Beau grabbed her leg to help. “The bravest, smartest, most handsomest fucker I had the joy of knowing!”

“Here here!” Fjord agreed and chugged whatever was in his glass. “To Caleb and his books, his looks, and his cat!”

“I miss Frumpkin so much,” Jester frowned. “He was such a good companion to us all. I wonder if he-”

“Shhhhh,” Beau pressed a finger to Jester’s cheek, “We can be sad later right now we are… we are celemanting the good stuff.”

“Cele…” Veth sat down on the table and filled their cups. “Celefragrating.”

“Woo wooo!” Fjord shot an eldritch blast into his ceiling.

“Oh shit,” Jester dragged her chair over, clambering up it to cast mending on the ceiling. “There, it looks… ok. You’ll just have to paint it over a bit I think.”

“You’re the best, Jess,” Fjord lay his head down and pushed his glass back and forth. “I’m glad you… I’m glad you still hang out with us all.”

“I just wanted him to be happy!” Veth threw her head back and whined. “He was so sad! He had like an aura of sad! And you know, I’ve seen that shit before and I thought oh hey I can take some of that sad and…. I can take it and make it go away!”

Beau pat Veths foot while Jester dug through the kitchen. “You guys were best friends. He liked me ok but you were his fuckin rock, you know.”

“Do we have any more fruit salad?” Jester called.

“Fruit… fruit salad.” Veth mumbled. 

“Salad as a  _ rock. _ ”

Fjord suddenly pushed away from the table and swayed in place. “I should go t’sleep.” He announced. “So maybe I can tell Caleb how fucking amazing he was.”

“Wha?” Beau squinted after him, trying and failing to track where he was going. “I thought you didn’t do dreams anymore?”

“Leave me alone!” Fjord yelled back and landed face first onto the bed. “I need to spend some quality time with that stupid wizard.”

“Oh,” Jester frowned and followed him into his room, helping him turn over to his side. “Ok Fjord, I’ll message you tomorrow though so don’t sleep in too late.”

“Hmpf,” Fjord pouted and snuffled into his pillow.

“Aww,” Beau cooed as Jester kissed his forehead. “We love you Fjord! Don’t drown in your sleep please!”

Veth rolled, trying to get to her feet but only succeeding in falling off the table. “Who’s drowning?!” She shrieked, reaching for a crossbow that wasn’t there. “I’ll fucking kill the water! Don’t let it do it!”

Jester shook her head and scooped Veth up. “It’s ok, nobody is drowning Veth. No water here. Just a sleepy Fjord.”

“Good,” Veth squirmed. “Fucking show that water who’s boss.”

Beau groaned in protest as Jester pulled her up and slung her over her shoulder, fireman carry style. “Do we  _ have  _ to go back to Nicodranas?” she whined as Jester started climbing the stairs. “Teleporting always… always makes my head spin.”

Their voices drifted off, followed by a slight pop. Then the house was quiet again. Fjord grumbled, trying to ignore the spinning room long enough to fall asleep.

“Need a water feature,” he muttered to himself. “S’ it’s not so quiet in here.”

\---

He slept, but despite what he said he didn’t visit the field. Somewhere before dawn he woke, bladder full and mouth dry.

“Fuck.”

He swung his legs over the side of the bed and pushed the heel of his palm into his eye. The ache was fairly bad, but not the worst- a few trips around bars with Beau still held first place. With a minute of focusing he called on the wildmothers gift long enough to soothe the pain.

A short trip to the loo relieved the bladder issue and found Fjord standing at his sink, considering the water pump. He tapped a claw against the glass in his hand, debating whether it was worth it to control water so he wouldn’t have to fight the creaky mechanism.

As he began casting there was a distinct  _ thump  _ in the attack that usually indicated a visitor. Fjord froze.

Jester wouldn’t come back so soon. Caduceus always let him know beforehand. Yussa  _ always _ let him know several days in advance as well as before he came. Mara preferred walking up the beach from the port. 

Someone unknown must have found the hole in his protections. Fjord cursed himself internally, ears flexing to try and catch any faint sound. Of course he had to leave that loophole in the protections, under the window. Of course he had to hold out the ridiculous hope that Caleb would come back, would look for him. Would be smart enough to look for the glove of blasting. So Fjord left it, whenever he could, resting on the circle. Because only Caleb could scry on the glove and see the circle and be able to utilize it.

Except the cultists, Fjord berated himself and summoned his sword. The cultists knew about the glove. They must have found out about his home, and any prodding at all would reveal the glaring hole he left. 

As he took a step, gingerly, towards the stairwell he caught movement outside. Figures darting in the trees. Now that he was looking for it he heard a pop of apparation. 

Fuck. Fjord touched the ring Beau had given him, rubbing the gem. Maybe Jester would notice, he thought frantically. Maybe Yasha was near Nicodranas, could-

The back door was thrown open and Fjord dropped, ducking under a dark missile that shattered into the wall behind him. He grabbed the counter and pulled, skidded across the ground to come up and slice through the cultists thick robes, cutting deep into their flesh. 

She screamed in agony and then it was on. Cultists poured into the house, smashing pots, overturning furniture, dropping spells and arrows. Without his armor Fjord was going to lose, he knew it. But he kicked the legs out from under a bigger man and rolled into his bedroom, throwing the door closed. 

“Focus,” he told himself. He spared a quick glance around the room, hoping it would survive the blast- and caught sight of the jug Mara had given him.

“Aw fuck it.” He swiped the jug up into his arms and tore a claw through the air, thunderstepping into the attic. 

His house shook with the strength of his spell and he teetered, holding his breathing, hoping it would stand. And noticed the crumpled form on his teleportation circle. The unmoving crumpled form.

“I’ll deal with that later,” he grumbled, and dove for his armor chest. The latch was loose, he stopped locking it once Mara was old enough, and he quickly pulled out his gleaming chest piece, the armor plates, his helm. He had to forgo the shoes. He needed stealth more than he needed the protection.

The cultists were bickering among themselves, overturning his house, but he was fast with buckles and had his gear ready in minutes. 

The gem on his finger glowed, dull. 

_ “Fjord?!”  _ Jester’s voice slammed into his head.  _ “Are you ok? My ring lit up, and Yasha said she’s fine, so are you ok?” _

“Cultists in my house Jess,” Fjord whispered back and poked his head out to look down the stairs. “Can you sober Beau up enough to get here?”

_ “Ohmygosh,”  _ Jester sounded breathless.  _ “We should have known better Fjord, I’m so sorry, we should have been way more careful, we just wanted to see if you were-” _

The door at the bottom of the stairs was thrown open. Fjord sent three bolts of eldritch blast and took out the first one through the door, but the second merely stepped over their body and threw an ice dagger at Fjord. He flinched, ducking enough that the dagger whizzed past and shattered on the ceiling.

  
Cold washed over him and he growled, turning to throw more eldritch energy. One cultist managed to block the first two before the third landed. Then the stairs were full and Fjord could only summon bolts so fast.

“Ok, how do you like tentacles then, you creepy hooded fuckers?” Fjord shouted before reaching out and tearing open the space at the top of the stairs. 

The steam of cutlists stymied, Fjord glanced over his shoulder at the circle. “Any minute now,” he muttered. “C’mon, don’t leave me now.”

Arcane words were shouted and he felt the void sphere disappear. “A fucking caster?” Fjord hissed and cut through two cultists with one swing. “How much time are you going to spend hunting us before you give up!”

Fjord suddenly smelled burnt fur and ducked instinctually, knowing what that smell usually preceded. Sure enough a lightning bolt cracked through the space.

But not at him. It punched through the cultist bearing down on Fjord before hopping between the others. Fjord gagged at the smell of burned flesh and kicked out, knocking another cultist down the stairs before swinging backhand at an armored one. 

“Fucking piece of-” a voice spat behind him, and Fjord stepped back as his armor trunk shook and launched itself at his attacker. The cultists flailed and toppled over the railing, quieting to a groan.

Fjord swiped the air, looking for more, but the few voices downstairs seemed to be dying into death rattles. He snarled, angry, and kicked one of the bodies over. Manacles, rope, all the trappings of Tharizdun’s cultists. 

Without the heat of battle Fjord pieced together, quite suddenly, that someone had been casting spells from behind him. He cocked his head and approached the crumpled form, sword out.

“Explain yourself,” he demanded. His dark vision offered him some details- a ragged shirt, torn pants. No armor. But the sun was starting to creep over the horizon and the small window in the attic was letting in enough light.

Pale skin. Freckles along the back of his hands. Reddish brown hair. The figure clenched a fist and reached a hand to push himself up. The skin of his forearm was mottled with scars.

“Fjord?”

Fjord felt faint, wavering in place. All of the clues pointed to one answer, but it was impossible. He let the sword lower a bit as he stepped forward. “What… what trickery is this? Who are you? Explain yourself!”

Caleb grunted and rolled over. Sunlight splashed across his features. His bloodied, bruised features. He lolled his head and squinted up at Fjord.

“There you are,” he whispered. 

And stopped breathing.

\---

“Huh,” Fjord panted, looking down at the human.

\--

Fjord was, reasonably, rather wary of the appearance of Caleb. He kept his sword in hand as he checked for Caleb’s pulse and, finding none, was baffled.

“Did you just bleed out in my attic?” 

Of course there was no response, past the blood pooling under Caleb’s body, so Fjord grimaced and pulled a drawer open. Inside held a few diamonds and other expensive components in velvet lining.

Plucking a smaller diamond he turned and called on the Wildmother, “Melora, I don’t know what’s going on, but please bring him back,” before crushing the gem and pressing it into Caleb’s chest.

A chest that jerked, gasping air.

“Oh,” Fjord said, blinking down at Caleb. “Is it… well, it’s really you then?”

“Haaaa…” Caleb wheezed and coughed, curling into himself. “Oh scheisse that was awful.”

Fjord dismissed his weapon and grabbed Caleb’s shoulders. “Caleb… are you…”

For his part Caleb tried to focus on Fjord’s face and licked his lips. “Seems I brought company, sorry about that.”

“ _ Sorry _ ?” Fjord tried to breathe, tried to swallow without choking on his tongue. “Did you just apologize for a bunch of cultists showing up in my house? Is that the first thing you have to say?”

“Err,” Caleb rolled his neck and put a hand to his side. “This is your house? It’s… lovely?”

Fjord’s mouth opened and closed a few times. “Th… thank you?”

Feeling off balance Fjord leaned back and sat down. Caleb pushed himself into a sitting position and rubbed his forehead. “I didn’t mean to… appear like this.”   
  


“Oh,” Fjord made a face, “so you are not only alive, but you’ve had the option of showing up then? For how long?”

“Isn’t that a question.” Wincing, Caleb checked his books and, finding them intact, slumped back onto an elbow. “Should I go?”

“No!” Fjord grabbed Caleb’s ankle, frantic. “What the fuck- no! Why would you?”

Caleb studied Fjord through bleary eyes. “I honestly can’t tell if you want me here or not right now.”

At that Fjord dove at Caleb, pulling him into his arms and pressing his face into Caleb’s neck. Caleb exhaled and wound his arms around Fjord in turn. “How could I not want you here?” Fjord’s voice was muffled but he didn’t pull away. “You’re alive! You’re  _ here _ ! I don’t know what’s going on but you aren’t going anywhere.”

“Oh,” Caleb sighed. “Alright.”

Birds had started chirping outside, the attic warming as the day took hold. Fjord tried to center himself, tried to memorize the feel of Caleb in his arms, breathing, alive and here and  _ breathing _ . Smelling of blood and sweat and ink. Here. 

“Thank you for leaving the glove where I could find it.” Caleb finally said, and Fjord dragged himself back far enough to look at Caleb’s face. 

“Is that how you found me?” Fjord pushed hair from Caleb’s face and sent healing magic into his wounds. “I left a hole in the enchantments, Yussa was confused but he said anyone could find the glove if they were looking for it, specifically.”

Caleb huffed a short laugh and looked at Fjord softly. “You thought I was dead though. Why risk it?”

Frowning, Fjord studied Caleb’s face. “I thought you… the last thing you said to me was…”

Doubt trickled into Fjord’s chest and he pulled his hand away, but Caleb reached for him. “I wasn’t sure if you heard me, if you remembered. If you had -”

“ _ Fjord are you ok? Are you alive? We’re at Yussa’s but the circle isn’t working! He said it must be on your end! Please don’t-”  _ Jesters voice made Fjord jerk back from Caleb, who’s face closed.

“No, it’s not-” Fjord pointed to his head frantically, tried to convey what had happened. “Jester, it's fine, I took care of it. And…” He reached for Caleb’s wrist. “Come by later, just let me know first?”

“Jester?” Caleb leaned forward. “Are they alright? I thought Nicodranas was safe, that’s why I-”

“ _ Wait, you took care of the cultists who found you but you don’t want us to come until later today? How do you know they-” _

“You guys should make sure you aren’t compromised as well,” Fjord replied. “I’ll clean up on my end.”

A long minute passed without another message so Fjord turned his attention back to Caleb. “Sorry, you know how she is with Sending. I didn’t mean-”

“Are they safe?” Caleb interrupted. Fjord shrugged.

“They were at Yussa’s, they said something about the circle not working.” Caleb looked down at the teleportation circle he was still sitting on. “Is it broken or will they not teleport while someone is still sitting on it?

With a groan Caleb shifted and Fjord hopped up to help Caleb stand. They looked at the circle for a few moments before Caleb hissed. “Ah, yes, something broke this line here,” he pointed. To Fjord it was just a bunch of arcane gibberish, but he leaned into Caleb’s space anyway to try and see.

“Sure,” Fjord nodded. “Can uh, can you fix it or should I put in an order in Nicodranas?”

“I don’t have…” Caleb trailed off, eyes going out of focus. “I left it all. To get here.”

Fjord waited for more, for an explanation, but Caleb had fully zoned out. 

“You know, you did just die a bit,” Fjord bit off the  _ again _ he wanted to spit. “Let’s get you something to eat, come on.” 

Caleb made an inquisitive noise at the sight of the stairs. “We’re in your attic?”

“Can you make the stairs?” Fjord put a hand on Caleb’s lower back, hovering. “I can carry you if you aren’t sure, I’d hate for you to hurt yourself.”

“Carry me?” Caleb sounded surprised as he repeated Fjord, who grinned and took it as an invitation to swoop Caleb up.

“Anytime.”

Caleb laughed then. Not the short, self-deprecating laugh he commonly used. His eyes scrunched up and his cheeks rose and he smiled, laughing from his chest. It was over too soon, he was still exhausted from being revived, but Fjord drank it in, stood at the top of the stairs watching Caleb and smiling like an idiot.

“I’ve missed you,” he admitted despite himself. “Gods, I’ve missed you so much.”

That sobered Caleb. His eyes went dark as he frowned. “I wasn’t sure if… I didn’t know if you could forgive me.”

Fjord took the stairs to distract himself. “What’s to forgive? You sacrificed yourself to save everyone.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

Caleb was set down at the table- still covered in empty glasses and bottles, which Fjord quickly and sheepishly started to clear. The juxtaposition made Fjord lose his words. Here he had sat, hours ago, mourning his dead friend who was now sitting at that table and nudging aside fruit rind while looking like he just crawled out of death. Which he had.

“Food, water,” Fjord pulled some bread from a cupboard and some jam and put them in front of Caleb before pumping water. “If you need rest the bedroom is right through there, and I can-”

“Why aren’t you angry with me?”

Fjord let the water pour for a moment and worried his lip, trying to parse the question. The glass full he returned and pulled another chair closer to Caleb. “What on earth do I have to be angry about? I’m ecstatic, you are here and alive. This is a miracle, Caleb. Nothing short of a miracle.”

“But you should be angry.” Caleb drank the water quickly and fiddled with the cup. “Once the shock wears off. I’ll leave, though. This is…” he looked around quickly, at the wrecked plants, the broken art. A window was shattered. The front door was still hanging open. “This was your home, your beautiful home. I brought danger here. I ruined it.”

“Ha!” Fjord scuffed his bare foot across the ground. “Caleb, no offense, but your ego hasn’t changed with the years. These cultists come and go. The last few holdouts of Tharizdun’s puppets, refusing to admit they’re powerless. I’ll have that warding up, all the cultists that made it here died,” he considered the body in his living room, “they’ll make for good fertilizer. And then-”

“Fucks sake Fjord,” Caleb huffed an angry breath out his nose. “Stop acting like everything is fine! I used magic on you, damn it. I was too busy feeling sorry for myself and held back, and that stupid cultist killed our friends in front of us! I killed Veth in the worst…” he pressed a hand to his mouth and rubbed like he was going to be sick. “I took that residuum the second I saw it. It’s like it was there just for me, like I was trained. And I cast experimental magic on you, magic that should have killed you.”

Something in the way he spoke made Fjord feel, strangely, more calm. “Hmm,” he leaned forward and took Caleb’s hand away from his face, holding it in his own. “What if I told you none of that is worth being angry at?”

“I’d say you’re a sap and soft.” Caleb snapped and pulled his hand away. They both froze, Fjord stung and reeling, Caleb seemingly shocked at himself. “Fjord-”

“Why don’t you get some rest,” Fjord pushed his chair back and stood, face impassive. “You look like you’ve really gone through it, and I need to clean. Maybe you’ll…” he almost set a hand on Caleb’s shoulder as he passed but stopped and clenched a fist instead. “You’ll feel better after some rest. I’ll make sure it’s safe here.”

\---

Fjord was elbow deep in soft dirt, covering the last of the cultists bodies and muttering words of repose, when Jester’s voice popped into his head.

“ _ Heyyyy Fjord, we did some digging and Beau punched some people and it turns out there’s been a wave of cultists moving into the Menagerie-” _

_ “-Coast! Sorry, ok, we have things handled here but Beau is tracing what has them moving and how they found us. Are… you… okbyyourself-” _

When she seemed to be done Fjord sat back on his heels and wiped his forehead. “I might have an idea about what stirred them. Come by when you can, just give me a heads up.”

She didn’t respond, so he took a deep breath and looked back at the house. How was he supposed to break the news to them, especially after what he told them last night? “Stupid,” he admonished himself. If he had just kept his mouth shut for one more day…

The water pump in the kitchen squeaked as he cleaned his hands off and he winced, glancing over his shoulder at the bedroom door. He really needed to fix that. But Caleb seemed to be asleep still when he nudged the door open and approached.

Fjord paused, hand outstretched to wake Caleb, looking him over again. His face was still drawn into a grimace, even in sleep, deep bags under his eyes and face all too thin. Frowning to himself Fjord knelt at the bedside and touched Caleb’s shoulder. “Caleb?” He called gently. “Caleb, we should probably talk about-”

Caleb flinched and flung himself back, a firebolt flying from his hand as his eyes tried to come into focus. Fjord was expecting a bad reaction and ducked, letting the fire sear into the wall behind him.

“Shit! Fjord!” Caleb grabbed at Fjord’s shoulder. “Sorry! I’m sorry! Are you ok? Did I-”

“I’m fine,” Fjord smiled and ran a hand through his hair. “Was ready for something like that. Sorry I had to wake you, but I heard from Jess.”

Caleb pulled himself upright but kept a hand on Fjord. “Ja? Are they ok? How far are we from Nicodranas?”

“Days. Don’t worry though, they’re fine, just looking into why the cultists are moving.” Fjord sat on the edge of the bed. “I was wondering if I should tell them you’re here, or if you wanted that to stay secret for now?”

For a moment Caleb thought, hand running down Fjord’s shoulder before he pulled away as if realizing what he was doing. Fjord tried not to reach for him again, tamping down on his instinct that screamed to hold onto Caleb. “Maybe don’t tell them yet,” he finally replied. “I trust Yussa’s warding, it might be safer to lay low here. Unless you want me to leave, it is dangerous for me to be here and this is your home so-”

“Stop it,” Fjord put a hand on Caleb’s wrist for a moment, keeping him from getting up. Caleb looked up at Fjord through his lashes, abashed. “It  _ is _ safer here. Nobody knows where you are, or even that you are alive. Obviously I want you safe.” Caleb nodded and looked away. “Are you ready to talk about what happened?”

That made Caleb look back at him, face unreadable. “I’ll tell you whatever you want to know.”

\---

Fjord showed Caleb the bathroom first, let him get cleaned up while Fjord put together some food. He needed to go into town, he realized. Supplies were running low and he had another mouth to feed.

It was hard, waiting for Caleb to come out of the bathroom, knowing answers were so close. Fjord fidgeted and straightened the kitchen again, took count of what all had been destroyed in the fight, folded a blanket in the living room and straightened cushions.

“It’s a beautiful home,” Caleb said, and Fjord jumped. “It’s so clearly yours. Comfortable. Calm.”

He was wearing Fjord’s clothes and Fjord preened at the sight, a warmth settling into his chest. “You’re too thin,” he announced, turning his face away to hide the blush across his cheeks. “I’ll get some supplies tomorrow, you clearly haven’t been eating enough.”

“You’re probably right.” Caleb let Fjord lead him to the table where food was set out, but only picked at his plate. “Will you promise me something Fjord?”

“Depends,” Fjord pushed more food onto Caleb’s plate with feigned casualness, “what do you need?”

“Don’t suppress your anger at me just because you thought I was dead.”

Fjord took a deep breath through his nose and considered the apple slices on his plate. “I’ll do my best, so long as you promise me something in turn.” He waited until Caleb dutifully took a bite of bread. “Besides eating when you need to. Promise me you won’t act on my behalf without consulting me first.”

Caleb narrowed his eyes at Fjord. “Care to explain?”

Elbows on the table, Fjord stared Caleb down. “Do not presume you know what’s best for me, Caleb Widogast. Don’t run away because you think you’re saving me. Don’t push me away because you think you know what I want and need.”

In turn Caleb leaned in as well. “What if you don’t have all the facts,” Caleb whispered. “What if I know you well enough to know when you are blinded. You cannot be objective about-”

“We were a team once, Caleb.” Fjord interrupted and slapped a hand onto the table. “We were a good team! So long as you talk to me first, we can figure things out. But you have to open up that vault in your head.” He reached out and covered Caleb’s hand. “I can only help you if you let me, if you trust me.”

“Of course I trust you!” Caleb turned his hand up and grabbed Fjords. “On death’s door I got myself here, I put myself at your feet. But I don’t think  _ you _ should trust  _ me. _ And that’s how I know you aren’t thinking clearly.”

“You can be wrong, Caleb!” Fjord curled his lip and leaned closer. “As hard as it is to believe you can be wrong! I  _ am  _ angry at you!”

There was a beat of silence between them, Fjord’s breath coming harder, and Caleb pulled back slightly. “What-”

“I’m furious!” Fjord snarled and looked down at his plate. “I hate how angry I am at you for leaving. For telling me you loved me and then  _ dying _ , it ruined me. To know that you’re alive twists that pain in my heart. You are alive and you didn’t come back to me, to us, right away. I was moving on and you come back and tell me I don’t understand, that I’m pushing down feelings, acting like you understand what I feel.” Fjord cut himself off and tried to stand up but Caleb didn’t let go. 

“Ok,” Caleb whispered and tugged Fjord’s hand, covered it with both of his. “I didn’t- you’re right. I can be wrong.”

“Are you happy now?” Fjord refused to look back at him. “I’m angry, I’m that stupid angry half-orc. I’m that person you think I repress. I’m all mixed up and don’t know what to do.”

“Hey,” Caleb snapped. He reached up and forced Fjord to look at him. “Don’t do that. Don’t muddy the water. You know that’s not what I think. I just…”

Fjord waited. Waited for Caleb to explain, waited for him to make a move. 

“I had these dreams,” Caleb blushed but held Fjord’s gaze. “I thought it was just wishful thinking at first. But then you mentioned the glove. And I found you.”

“That was real?” Fjord startled out of his anger. “You were really there? In the meadow?”

Caleb licked his lips. “We talked about how you were conflicted, and then…”

They let go of eachother, blushing. “Oh,” Fjord cleared his throat. “Uh, what does that have to do with anything? That’s how you found me?”

“Well,” Caleb sat again and folded his hands under the table. “I knew you had… feelings. So I knew if I did come back you wouldn’t be honest with me. If I told you what happened you might not understand because, well.” He gestured between them.

“All I want is honesty,” Fjord said. “Just tell me the truth, Caleb. And then we can talk about it. And we can fix it. Together.”

Caleb looked like he didn’t believe it but shook himself. “Alright. Where should I start?”

“Captain!”

Fjord’s chair protested as he pushed away from the table, eyes wide. “Mara,” he whispered and looked from Caleb to the back door and back. “She can’t know- Caleb can you-”

The door swung open and Mara filled the frame, a crate on her hip. “Captain you’ll never believe-”

Mara looked from Fjord to Caleb and back. Caleb kept his eyes on Fjord, waiting for a signal. Fjord avoided both of their looks and fidgeted his shirt. “Mara, sweetheart, I wasn’t expecting you until tomorrow at the soonest.”

“Yeah,” she set the crate on the table and looked Caleb up and down. “I can see that.”

“Mara this is my friend-” Fjord cut himself off, frantic and turning to Caleb with wide eyes.

“Kai,” Caleb stood and reached a hand out, easy as anything. Fjord inhaled sharply. “Verräter Kai. It’s good to meet you.”

“Likewise.” Mara’s eyebrows climbed to new heights as she shot Fjord a look over Caleb’s hand. “Kai, I could have sworn I’ve heard that name before.”

“Huh,” Fjord squeaked and slid his chair back in. “Strange. What’ve you brought me, daughter mine? New treasures from the sea?”

Caleb sat back down easily, like he hadn’t just thrown Fjord to the wolves. Mara pushed the crate towards them. “Fresh papayas for my papaya,” she smirked at her joke as Fjord rolled his eyes. “Bisaft is bustling right now. But the crew wasn’t exactly thrilled to have-”

“Bees!” Fjord interrupted. “I forgot- you brought them?”

The next thing Caleb knew he was standing in the side yard as Mara showed Fjord a rowboat full of hives that she brought up the shore from the docked ship. Something was smoking softly in the boat and Fjord looked like it was his birthday. 

“Did you at least get their new homes built?” Mara asked as Fjord carefully brought a box around to the front. “It’s going to be colder soon, and they need someplace to keep warm.”

“Ha!” Fjord gently set the box down and pulled the top off of what Caleb had assumed was a compost bin. Inside were frames, which Fjord pulled out enough to make room for his arm to reach down and retrieve “Warming stones!” 

“Clever,” Caleb admitted, and Fjord beamed. “Probably have to remove them when the weather is nice though.”

“Oh that’s my Captain,” Mara clapped a hand on Fjord’s shoulder. “Any chance to use a bit of enchantment to make life easier.”

Fjord pressed a stone to her cheek and she laughed, trying to push him off until they were roughhousing in the front lawn.

It took a while to get all of the boxes moved, and then Mara lit up more of the sweet-smelling smoke as Fjord carefully maneuvered docile bees into their new home. The whole proceeding was surprising to Caleb. Watching Fjord switch from focused and gentle to getting tackled by Mara to admonishing her for letting her coat gather holes. “Let’s get this mended before you leave,” he was saying, poking a finger through the hole in her elbow. She shoved him off and grinned at Caleb, leaning against the front door frame.

“I figured out where I know that name from,” Mara said and wiggled her eyebrows. “You’re that special someone da met in Nicodranas, aren’t you.” 

Fjord tripped and cursed. Caleb just smiled easily. “I suppose that’s not the whole story, but close enough.”

“Oh?” Mara let herself in and went to the kitchen. “You two met before the party then?”

“He’s a friend, Mara,” Fjord said, and sent Caleb a convoluted look. “It’s a little complicated.”

Mara leaned around the cabinet and raised an eyebrow at Fjord. “He’s wearing your clothes Captain. Not exactly subtle.”

Fjord blushed and rubbed his neck.

“Are you sure she is your daughter Fjord?” Caleb returned to his place at the table. “She seems to notice more than you.”

“That’s not a challenge,” Mara laughed.

Fjord buried his face in his hands. “Mara my love, my heart, light of my life can you give me a moment with Kai?”

She hummed and patted Fjord’s cheek before walking into the guest room. “Sure, suppose I did drop in on you. Don’t be too loud please!”

The guest room door clicked shut and Fjord dragged his hands down to face Caleb. “Can we?” he gestured to his room.

Caleb nodded and followed. “She seems amazing, Fjord. I must commend you on your parenting.” He ran a hand over the desk in Fjord’s room as Fjord shut the door. “And bees? Did Jester talk you into that?”

“How do you know about Kai?” 

Caleb stilled. “Oh.”

“Yes, OH, Caleb. You dropped that name like it wasn’t… like I didn’t… like you had any right!” Fjord’s nostrils flared and his cheeks burned but he held his ground.

“You didn’t look into that name?” Caleb half turned to Fjord. “Maybe looked for a Zemnian translation?”

It never occurred to Fjord it was anything other than a name. “I don’t like playing games,” he said instead of answering. “What does it mean?”

“Traitor. Betrayer”

“Why traitor?”

Caleb looked over his shoulder at Fjord. “Because that’s what I am.”

“So it was you.” It wasn’t a question, Fjord didn’t ask like it was. Just stepped closer to Caleb.

“Yes.”

“Why not tell me then?” Fjord clenched and unclenched his hands. “Why play pretend? Why lie to me?”

Caleb looked out the window and swallowed. “It’s complicated.”

Fjord clicked his tongue. “You thought it was too dangerous to be near me.”

A humorless laugh barked out of Caleb. “Was I wrong?” he gestured towards the other room. “The second I came to you they followed.”

“So you lied to my face instead.”

“I didn’t intend-” Caleb ducked his head. “You approached  _ me _ , you wanted  _ me _ . And I could have you, in a way. You even said my name and I-”

“You made me a fool.” Fjord stepped back. “It hurt me, Caleb. It hurt to be around Kai, I slipped into denial. If you had just  _ told me  _ we could have-”

“I’m sorry. I’m  _ sorry  _ Fjord.” Caleb turned, face tight. “I didn’t mean to… I didn’t mean for a lot of things to happen, and I’m sorry I misled you but you must have realized, in the dark, I didn’t change much of my appearance, I didn’t try to hide who I was. Not hard enough. Not from you.” 

“Maybe,” Fjord shook his head. “Maybe I did think, or wonder, if it was you. It didn’t add up. But you should have told me.”

“Would you have done it again?”

Fjord let his head fall back and considered the ceiling. “Do you really have to ask?”

“I don’t know!” Caleb hissed. Fjord looked at him, confused. “Fuck, Fjord, I feel like I had this perfect plan of how to fix things, of what to do and what steps to take and then I ran into you and everything went to shit! You gave me that look and you sounded sweeter than honey and I missed you so much- I missed you  _ so much _ Fjord!” Caleb grabbed Fjord’s shoulders and shook him. “You missed me, you thought I was dead, but I knew you were alive and I had to  _ choose _ to stay away! I spent years running from myself, across realities, across the planes. It took me a decade just to get back to Wildemount. I had nothing and I crawled across the stars to get back to you and the others. But I had to do it safely. The cultists aren’t the only ones hunting me.”

Fjord could only blink, trying to process what Caleb was saying. “A decade? Wildemount?”

“Yes.” Caleb’s hand slid to Fjord’s neck and he rumbled quietly but didn’t pull away. “I missed you. I missed the Mighty Nein. I never stopped missing you. Replaying that last moment over and over.”

“When I begged you to stay,” Fjord asked, “when I told you how I felt?”

Caleb wavered, grip slacking. His eyes flicked between Fjord’s, searching. “Only felt?”

Fjord grabbed Caleb and pulled him into a frantic kiss. He smelled like home, was wearing Fjord’s clothes, and Fjord couldn’t keep pretending he wasn’t affected. Caleb whimpered into the kiss and held Fjord’s neck, thumb pushing up Fjord’s jaw to adjust the angle. 

“Feel,” Fjord corrected into Caleb’s mouth. “I feel, Caleb, I never stopped-”

“Me neither.” Caleb pulled him back in hard enough they stumbled back, bumping the desk, and they froze at the sound.

“Mara said to not be loud.” Caleb whispered. They were close enough that their lips brushed with his words.

Fjord let his eyes go half lidded as he nuzzled his nose against Caleb’s. “Then maybe we should refrain, for now.”

Caleb let out a slight whine as Fjord pulled back. “If you’re certain.”

“I’m not,” Fjord said as he slid a hand down Caleb’s side. “But I can’t promise quiet, so we’ll have to be patient instead.”

  
  



	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Graduating college after ten years (TEN! A decade on and off! Can you believe??) and the ensuing panic over trying to find a job, or meaning to life, or like, a reason to keep trying-- might have knocked my muse out for a while. But nothing kicks it into gear like a few delicious widofjord crumbs.

“I’m telling you- Xelle’s got wiped out in a summer storm.” Mara kicked her feet up onto the table and leaned back with her ale. “That whole side of the island took it pretty hard. But Xelle’s was old as dirt, you know well enough Captain.”

Fjord pushed her ankles until her feet dropped again and she pouted. “That was part of the charm. But Xelle’s! Our old haunt!” Fjord tipped his drink in respect. “Would that I could have seen it one more time. What of Xelle themself?”

“Brooding as ever but surely planning to make anew. They gave me a few jars of preserves before I left, slipped them into my crate.” Mara leaned forward and drew her brows down as low as she could, pinning Fjord with a steely glare. “I have the most intimidating look, but I will literally smother you in kindness if you don’t stop me.”

“Oh that’s a good impression,” Fjord nodded before pulling his own brows down with his fingers. “If you sit still for a few minutes you’ll have a drink and a pastry at your elbow and I will be aggressively complimenting you.”

They both laughed and Caleb smiled along. “A real character, it sounds like. How on earth do you find these people?”

“Xelle caught me when I fell off a roof one time,” Mara grinned, wide and toothy enough her small tusks showed. “They made Captain cower in his boots for letting me run off before they got a good look at him. Basically adopted both of us. They have a little…” 

She and Fjord shared a confused expression, searching for the right word before Fjord tried, “Spot? Den?”

“... though I guess I should say  _ had _ . Like I said, windstorm took it right off that cliff.”

“They’ll rebuild,” Fjord loped his arm around Caleb’s shoulders, resting on his chair. “And then, Caleb, you will have the most delicious food you can imagine. I swear they put dust of deliciousness on everything.”

“I look forward to it.” Caleb held Fjord’s gaze for a long moment.

Too long, apparently. “Wellp that’s my cue.” Mara stood and started stacking their empty dinner plates, taking them into the kitchen as Fjord cleared his throat and retracted his arm.

Caleb ducked his head. “Sorry,” he muttered to Fjord. “I didn’t mean to cut things off.”

“Hmm,” Fjord glanced at Mara, busy with dishes, before he leaned in to rub his nose against Caleb’s gently. “No worries.”

Which left Caleb blinking as Fjord smiled and took their glasses into the kitchen as well. 

“Didn’t you used to have more cups?” Mara asked. Both Caleb and Fjord tensed. 

“Yeah, you know,” Fjord started herding Mara out of the kitchen. “Beau was here the other night and well, you know how we get sometimes and anyway I was thinking about that jug you brought me-”

“Captain,” Mara stopped and raised an eyebrow. “Did Beau get drunk and break the kitchen?”

“Uhm,” Fjord glanced back at Caleb, who was pointedly not looking at them. “Something like that.”

Mara pat him on the cheek and headed out the back door. “Alright, I’ll keep an eye out for some drinkware.”

“Well hold on,” Fjord held the door from opening. “Where are you going? I thought you would be home for a while?”

“Home’s the Call now Captain. And I’ll be back tomorrow, just,” her eyes flicked to Caleb, “going to do a supply run in Nicodranas. Need anything?”

“Incense,” Fjord immediately replied. “And uh, spell quality paper and ink. Anything else?” He turned back to see Caleb was giving him an odd look. “What?”

“Oh, uhm” Caleb rubbed his mouth. “Crystal beads? Glass beads? And some more fur, and bull hair if you can get it?”

Fjord opened a drawer and pulled out a small satchel, heavy with coin. “Captain.” Mara admonished him and pushed the bag back. “I have plenty.”

“Alright, alright,” Fjord brought her into a hug and kissed the top of her head. “I’ll be here, or in town.”

With a nod and a smile in Caleb’s direction Mara let herself out and padded back up the beach. Fjord leaned on the doorframe for a moment, watching her disappear into the dark before closing the door.

Caleb was leaning against the table, giving Fjord an intense look. 

“What?” 

“You asked her for spell paper, ink.” Caleb tilted his head slightly, as if that answered everything.

Fjord latched the door, pushed in a chair. “You said you left everything behind. Do you no longer need those things? I just wanted to replace what you-”

“You asked for incense.”

“I don’t see Frumpkin, you haven’t summoned him, so I assumed you needed some.”

Caleb’s face was twisting through emotions faster than Fjord could catch. “You thought of Frumpkin?”

“Is he ok? He can’t actually die can he?” Fjord moved in front of Caleb and smoothed a hand over his arm.

In response Caleb grabbed Fjord around the middle and kissed him, hands splaying up Fjord’s shoulders. “Thank you,” he said, pulling back enough to cup Fjord’s face. 

“You’re easy to please I suppose,” Fjord rumbled and settled his hands onto Caleb’s waist. 

“Ja, I suppose I am.” 

Fjord smiled, eyes going soft as he considered Caleb. “I can’t believe you are here.”

Caleb tensed for a moment. “Fjord,” his hands keeping Fjord’s gaze on him, “I will  _ always _ get back here.”

“Here,” Fjord tugged Caleb closer and kissed him. “Right here. Where you belong.”

It was easy to bury his face in Caleb’s shoulder and embrace him. He was back. Caleb was back, and he was here, and he wanted Fjord. He came back  _ for Fjord _ .

There was less urgency burning Fjord’s blood now, he realized. Mara was back on the coast, Jess and Beau were alright. Caleb was alive and with him He tamped down his excitement as Caleb slowly relaxed in his arms, letting Fjord take his weight, and remembered that Caleb died today. He needed rest. 

“Alright,” as much as he hated to, Fjord let his hold on Caleb loosen and set him back on his feet. “It’s late and we’ve had a day.”

Caleb hummed in agreement and rubbed his face for a minute. “It feels like a dream still.”

Fjord tugged Caleb’s elbow, leading him back into the bedroom. The urge to crowd Caleb, get into his space, was hard to ignore. But the instinct to take care of him won over. Caleb went easily as Fjord set him on the edge of the bed but as Fjord began pulling his shirt over his head Caleb’s hands wandered.

“Fjord-”

“Not tonight,” Fjord tossed Caleb’s shirt aside and pushed him back, against the pillows. “You need to recover still.”

Fighting his already drooping lids Caleb grabbed for Fjord’s hand. “What if you aren’t there when I wake up?”

The quiet, subdued tone in his voice made Fjord’s heart hurt, his chest getting tight. Carefully, gently, he threw a leg over Caleb and settled in next to him, not bothering to shuck his own shirt in favor of keeping Caleb’s hand in his. Nose to Caleb’s neck, fingers entwined, Fjord let out a long breath. 

“I will come looking for you,” he finally whispered. “I will track you across the very stars if it means bringing you back to me.”

\---

The warm breeze across his face made Fjord blink. 

The meadow was cast in golden light, tinting the grass and illuminating the thin petals of wildflowers. Beneath the tree, on the hill, Fjord sat up slowly and looked around for Caleb. He was alone, though. The sound of a distant beach, waves crashing, caught his attention for a moment as he waited.

“Fjord.”

He knew that voice. Turning to its source he saw a very tall woman, dark brown skin shining, brown hair tumbling around her face in loose curls. Her robes were simple, earthen, seemingly naturally dyed green fading to deep blue at her feet. She held out a hand, open palm up, and smiled at him.

“Wildmother,” he whispered, and took her hand. She levered him up easily before bringing her free hand to cover his.

“Fjord, be careful.”

He nodded, taking in her ethereal face, the feel of her hands on his. The touch, the warmth that flowed into him from her made him feel invincible. “Of course, Wildmother. I’ll protect us as best I can. Should I rejoin my family? Call the Nein together to defeat the cultists?”

Her face was serene but impassive, like she was watching something else entirely. “I have set things into motion, things I did not intend. My champion, be wary. The wizard brings great evil.”

“That’s… ominous.” Fjord narrowed his eyes. “But I’ll protect him. And the others. Is it-”

She shook her head, leaves falling from her hair. “I was warned, but I knew he was one of yours. The thread between you is strong, stronger than the connection between him and oblivion. And I have risked my champion yet again.”

“Oblivion? Wildmother, please, if there is some way to-”

“Melora.”

This voice was new. Fjord glanced over his shoulder and caught sight of another woman, the size of the Wildmother, wearing a deep blue cloak and hood that hid her face. 

The Wildmother tightened her grip on Fjord and raised her head. “You step into my domain boldly, Erathis. I hope for good reason.”

“The dreams of a mortal are no more your domain than mine. But you tread dangerous ground coming here. You risk much. Trust your champions, or be held accountable.”

“I’ll just…” Fjord tried to make himself smaller, moving to the Wildmother’s side and keeping his eyes down. “...be over here…”

“The veil is nothing if Tharizdun walks free.” Melora stared down Erathis. “He builds links to a chain of his own, one he binds himself to willingly.”

“His links are all connected to anchors in the sea.” Erathis shifted sideways, circling Melora and Fjord. “He can only drag against that within his cage. And though he may rail against the bars there is no opening to exploit. You weaken the Veil for nothing but sentiment.”

“Wait,” Fjord looked up at the Wildmother. “You think Caleb is tied to Tharizdun?”

Erathis snapped her head to look at him. “Send your mortal away, Melora. He has played his part. Let him rest.”

“He cannot rest when Tharizdun tears at his life, when his claws grip the edges of his world.” She settled her hand on his shoulder and Fjord stood straighter, tried to appear strong in the face of the gods. “And his heart has been bound to the fate of Tharizdun. I cannot let him fall.”

Fjord felt his pulse quicken, drips of ice running down his spine. They were talking about Caleb. Caleb and the wake of cultists that hounded him.

“You have forgotten. Tharizdun is chained. The bonds hold strong. That one,” Erathis raised a silver hand to point at Fjord, “ensured it. His task is done, the price is paid.”

“Price?” Fjord managed, throat so tight his voice pitched higher than normal. 

“What if it was undone?”

Erathis tilted her head and despite having her face being completely hidden Fjord still felt the slow wave of anger roll off of her. “No. Few are capable of unlocking those chains. Fewer still would want to. It would be sheer foolishness to hand Tharizdun the key to his cage.”

Melora shifted. “I could not see into the Wizard when I merged their dreams. But he is on Exandria, with my champion. And there is-”

“Your meddling has gone too far Melora!” Erathis cut her off. “How much of my domain must you destroy before-” she thrust a hand absently at Fjord and he lurched, an invisible force slamming into him and throwing him from his feet. 

He choked, jerked, coating himself in frosty protection on instinct.

Caleb garbled Zemnian next to him, throwing off the bedcovers and wreathing his hands in fire as he leapt to his feet and scanned the room.

Fjord was at home, he realized. He panted frantically, heart still racing, as he took in the pre-dawn sky through the window, the tangled blankets, Caleb shirtless and frantically looking for something to attack.

“Oh,” Caleb let his shoulders slump when he realized the room was empty. “What… what happened?”

“I don’t know exactly,” Fjord propped himself up against the pillows and rubbed his face vigorously. “I think a dream? Or maybe… a vision?”

The fire on Caleb’s arms flickered out and he put a knee onto the bed. “A vision?” 

“Yes. No.” Fjord dismissed the armor, knocking errant shards of ice from his shoulders. “I was in the field, where we would meet. The Wildmother was there.”

Caleb cursed. “You are still in contact with the gods, I should have guessed.”

“And there was another. Erathis?” Fjord pinched his nose. “I thought Melora and Erathis were like…” he crossed his fingers. 

“Why would you think otherwise?”

“They sure didn’t seem very happy with each other. Erathis was… very angry.”

Caleb’s hand found Fjords, cut palm to cut palm. “Perhaps it was just a dream. Why would they reach across the veil just to have you witness a fight?”

“She was warning me.” Fjord ran his free hand through his hair. “Melora was warning me, she said you were tied to oblivion? And something about how she couldn’t see into you before but now she can?” He tightened his grip on Caleb’s hand. 

“Oh.” Caleb’s voice was very quiet. He turned to stare out the window and Fjord studied his profile. “Oh, dear.”

“Please tell me I was just dreaming, Caleb. Tell me you have no idea what I’m talking about.”

“I refuse to lie to you,” Caleb replied, voice pitched low. “They are tracking me. You knew that already. They intend to use me to break the chains- willing or otherwise.”

“Then we’ll kill them.” Fjord grabbed Caleb’s arm. “We wipe out the cultists and they can’t try to take you. There are enchantments- I talked to Pumat- they protect the mind. Yasha has one now, well, two, she doubled up, but-”

“I should go.”

Fjord’s fingers dug into Caleb’s skin. “No. No you don’t. You aren’t leaving again.”

“Fjord,” Caleb’s voice wavered. “I can’t get you killed. I won’t.”

“Then stay with me. Fight with me.”

Caleb let his head droop. “Your own goddess warned you about me. Everything I love will burn, Fjord. I cursed you to a painful future the moment I fell in love with you. For that, I deserve to be cast out into the astral sea again. And again.”

With every word Fjord felt his pulse quicken, his heart beat harder. There was a rage there, simmering in his blood, making him tremble with adrenaline. Invisible threats he couldn’t run through with a sword, machinations beyond his comprehension. And he, Fjord, just one man. 

Desperation made his movements clumsy as he brought his hands up to Caleb’s face and kissed him. “The fire in your hands is nothing to the fire in my heart.” Caleb didn’t respond so Fjord kissed him again. And again. 

Caleb put his hands over Fjord’s finally. “It will kill me to hurt you. I can’t do it again. My family… Veth…”

“You can only hurt me if you leave.” Fjord breathed a word and ice covered his skin again. “When I lost you I was lost. I’ll gladly stand in your flames if it means I can drag you home afterward. Just  _ stay. _ ”

Light cast Caleb’s face into shadows as he ignited his hands again. “Let me go, Fjord.” He could see now that Caleb’s eyes were red and full of tears. “Please. Don’t make this harder than it already is.”

And sure enough Fjord could see the fire licking at his hands, slipping over the cold protections he had. Fjord set his jaw. Fine. If Caleb wanted to do this, now, then so be it.

“No.”

Fjord kissed him again and ignored the heat that bloomed across his face from Caleb’s spell. For a second Caleb kissed him back, inhaling sharply before he pushed Fjord away. “Let me go.” The fire ratched up, rising to Caleb’s shoulders. 

“Stay with me,” Fjord countered, eyes hard. “Stay and fight this. With me. With the Nein.” Ice coated his skin, up over his chest. “Stay.”

Caleb licked his lips and tugged, trying to physically free himself, but Fjord had gripped his hands tight.

“I don’t want to hurt you,” Caleb whispered as his tears sizzled where they fell. “Please.”

“Then stay.”

The heat was painful, searing into his skin and drying out his face before his protections flared up again and washed cold across his body. 

“Everyone I love, Fjord,  _ everyone  _ burns.”

“I’ll survive.”

“You’re so  _ stubborn _ !” Caleb suddenly pushed, at Fjord, their hands tangled up, and the blaze flared. Fjord tamped down the instinct to fight back and let his shirt catch fire. It hurt, he noted, but he had plenty of energy left to heal, to fight, to counter.

“Yep.” 

It seemed to click. Caleb’s face went from frustrated and pained to slightly panicked, eyes flicking over Fjord. “Fjord, let go, your shirt-”

“Let it burn.”

A slight crackling noise was the only sound, and the smell of burned fibers. Fjord hazily thought his pillow might have caught as well. Caleb leaned away as fear started to set in. “Fjord, what are you- stop. Fjord are you just healing through the- stop it, put yourself out.”

The pillow was definitely on fire. Fjord grunted as it licked up his arms, testing the edges of his protection. Caleb was getting pale, and Fjord had to admit the smell still made him feel sick himself. 

But he held on. If he really had to he could pull more ice onto himself, but then he would risk hurting Caleb, and that wasn’t the point. 

The point was simple. 

“Stay.”

Caleb met his gaze again, eyes bewildered. Whatever he saw there made him stop. The fire on his arms went out again. His lips parted. Muscles loosened.

“Alright.” He whispered. “Ok, Fjord. Ok.” Like he was the one soothing a wild animal.

Fjord waited another moment, let the remaining fire burn him for another few seconds before he relaxed his hands. “Good.”

Caleb instantly reached and smothered the remnants of Fjord’s shirt and pillow, scrunching them into a blanket before he stilled again, staring at Fjord’s chest. “Why are we so desperate to die as martyrs?”

“You know why.” Fjord leaned until his forehead was pressed against Caleb’s and closed his eyes. “You know.”

“I suppose I do.” Caleb let out a long breath through his nose. “I just wonder…”

Fjord waited and listened to the sound of the ocean, Caleb’s breath, the morning wind pushing against his home. He would have to get a hold of Jester later, he thought tiredly. Round up the Nein. Arrange for repairs to the teleportation circle. So much for a calm retirement.

“I wonder why it falls on us to fix it all.” Caleb made a frustrated noise as soon as he said it, a noise that usually meant he was struggling for words. “I know I did- I know that I pushed too hard, and there are consequences, but even before. The Nein. All of us. Why-”

“Because you are good.” Fjord kissed Caleb gently. “Because we all are. We’re all the kind of good that tries to fix what we see is wrong. Because we can.”

“What if this is just a very big ego and self preservation?” 

Fjord laughed without humor. “What is good if not ego and self preservation? The desire to make change in the world begins with the belief that you can change it at all, doesn’t it? And wanting it to be better, trying to make it better, will make it better for you. Ego, self preservation, and a healthy dash of faith.”

“It has been a long time since someone accused me of being of any faith.” Caleb’s eyes were soft though, and he was looking at Fjord like he was saying something right. 

“That depends though, doesn’t it?” Fjord cocked an eyebrow in challenge. “Do you have faith in Jester? Do you believe she can do anything she declares?”

Caleb rolled his eyes. “Well obviously. I’m half convinced she is a minor deity and the world tries it’s best to conform to her-”

“Do you have faith in Caduceus? That he will always try to be honest and ease the suffering he sees?”

“Yes,” Caleb tilted his head. “That isn’t what… faith in individuals does not mean faith in the whole.”

Fjord shrugged. “Whatever you say. But you have faith, it’s there, even if it isn’t in me, or a god. Faith, ego, and self preservation in a broad enough sense that you want to enact good into the world. Face it, Caleb. You’re  _ good. _ And that’s why you can’t stop trying.”

“I have faith in you,” Caleb corrected. He slid his hands up Fjord’s arms. “And I am stubborn. I  _ will _ get what I want. Eventually.” He kissed Fjord again. “Even if I have to bend reality to my will.”

“What do you want, Caleb?” Fjord whispered, looking at Caleb’s mouth dazedly.

“Right now?” Caleb pushed him back down into the bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why is the formatting messed up? EXCELLENT QUESTION I have no idea =/

**Author's Note:**

> I'm on tumblr, feel free to stop by :)   
> moonelf19 DOT tumblr dotcom is my generally nerdy blog, mostly CR stuff   
> mefd DOT tumblr dotcom is my writing blog, I try to post when I update/write something new, talk about writing, maybe post little things


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